I miss George Carlin. I have to say I was fortunate enough to have seen him live back in the early 2000s. Still one of the best live comedy shows I have ever seen. No fuss, no muss, just George, the stage and tremendous wit. I found this on the 12 step recovery site this morning. I don't remember if George was in recovery or not, but he certainly had a lot of wisdom to share within our community.

This semester of school is finally over with. I am not sure why this semester seemed so much harder than the previous semester. I know from personal experience, that I get a bit of the seasonal blues starting in about October. This year when I called in to talk to the clinic about feeling depression symptoms creeping back in, they suggested that I get a light box. I can't quite afford it yet but my health insurance will start 01/01/2014 and that is one of the first places I will be heading. In the meanwhile, my doc made some medication adjustments and within a week I started feeling much better. I know this played a role in the semester feeling difficult. Not sure why else, but it was really a struggle to stay on top of everything. For the first time my attendance to class was below the acceptable expectations. Good for me that nothing really happened; however, I was getting pretty annoyed with myself because I was not getting there as often as I should. Anyway, for whatever it is worth, it is done now and I can't wait to have a break. Although, I am working - I am sure this is not a surprise to those who know me....I got this love/hate relationship with work, always going back for more.....

The Big Book describes an alcoholic's relapse signs as being irritable, restless and discontent. I have a little bit of this going on right now and its been going on since the beginning of the semester. So, the dating saga continues and I am starting to wonder if I really should be dating at all. I called my sponsor because of this texting nightmare that developed. Was I overreacting? Why do I feel absolutely crazy about a rather innocent misunderstanding? She listened and didn't really comment. Then the famous phrase was brought back to the forefront "Let go and let God." Turn this anger and annoyance over to God and ask for peace of mind or at least a mind quiet enough to sleep! I started to think about this concept in the broader context of my life and not just this one situation. Am I turning my will and life over to God as I understand Him? Tough question, tough choice, and no doubt tough to enact.

I have been experiencing this little twinge of "Wanderlust". It's a desire to travel, to move, to start things over in a new place. I frequently dismiss the idea because there is so much that I have here that I like. I like my friends, my family is close, right now my job is close. I just can't seem to shake the feeling and I think it is one of the reasons that I am feeling restless. I think my desire to move or relocate is really more about wanting to "run away" so to speak. I am feeling uncomfortable at the moment and the easiest thing to blame is the environment. As such, the environment can be easily changed by moving. I not overly convinced that I actually want to move or travel. I think I want to feel like I have some control over something. In four months I will be done with school. I have no idea where I will be working. I don't know if a potential job offer will come through. I don't know how much money I will make. I don't know how much my student loan payments will be. I don't know how much my rent is going to increase.....blah....stop already, brain, enough. So, by thinking of moving, I am in essence thinking I can interview, get a job, find out about pay, get a place to live that i will know exactly how much it costs, etc. etc. Then my reasonable mind pops in and says "do you have any idea of how miserable you would be if you left everything that you have there?" In my heart, I know that this answer is "very miserable....".

Interestly, my dreaming has kicked into mad overdrive. I have yet to find a really good book about dreams and the nature of symbolism in the context of dreams. I know that when I start to dream of tornados, something is out of control in my life. In most of those dreams, I am staring out a window and seeing multiple vortexes dropping out of the sky, screaming for everyone to take cover while I sit in the front row to watch. Generally nothing happens beyond that; however once I did have a dream of the tornado moving over me, that was freaky. Anyway, I am usually in the work setting in these dreams and these dreams have been really prominent since I graduated from college. I think the area of work has always been very unstable for me, mainly by my own actions and behaviors (frequently changing jobs, etc.). So I feel pretty confident about this interpretation. Last year, about this time when I was making the decision about leaving my job to go back to school, I have tornados dropping out of the sky almost every night.

The other dream that has been coming up recently is the crashing airplanes. I had one vivid dream in which I was on the plane, watching out of the cockpit as the plane was crashing into a field and I woke up right before impact. All the other dreams are me watching a low flying plane flying out of control and crashing to the ground in a large fireball. I am trying to figure out how to get to the crash and I never find my way. In a few dreams, I just walk away. When I googled dreams about crashing airplanes I got a similar answer to what i just wrote in the previous paragraph. It is about losing or not having control over a situation. Since I am not driving the plane, I cannot control the fate of the airplane. I am reasonably satisfied with this interpretation, although I am thinking there is more to it than just that. There is something so strange about the way I react to the crash. I seem like I am more interested in the idea that planes actually do crash. I am fixated on what the cause of the crash would be. I am just more stunned than anything at a plane falling out of the sky. Beyond that, not much. It's just weird.

I remember my first real full time, non-temp job after graduating from college. i had it all, good pay, the company car, the cell phone, the pager. 23 years old, feeling like a rockstar....well, that actually changed rather rapidly. I found out, quickly, what it is like to be accessible 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, available all the time. I was heavily drinking at that point and fortunately, the amount of calls outside of business hours was quite minimal. But right away, I didn't like it. 

Fast forward to 2009-2010, again, I am provided with a cell phone, pager and laptop for work. For only 1 day a week, I was accessible for 24 hours a day. Toward the end of my drinking career, I was having a harder and harder time staying sober for that 24 hours, especially since I was in organ transplant and the job was very exciting, stressful, crazy, and unpredictable. I absolutely hated that day of my rotation but in a weird way it was one of the reason that I wanted to get sober too. I was having a hard time NOT drinking but I knew what could happen if I DID drink. I was finally figuring out that my alcohol problems were pretty big. I needed to choose, the job or the bottle. Job won. Yippiee!

Now 2013. Sigh. When I first got a cell phone and could text, I think I text messaged about 3 times a month. Usually it was "hey, I am late, be there in a minute". Nothing like extensive conversations that people are needing and wanting to have over text. With this whole date phenomenon, I have begun to hate my cell phone. I text a few message back and forth with friends and I like that, but these boys....30 messages a day....with a lot of "are you there? OK, where are you? Text me back soon.,.," I am stuck in this position (self-imposed of course) of feeling required to text back. Then the back and forth, back and forth, misspellings, stupid autocorrects, whatever. If I don't reply immediately, every person (by everyone, I mean every person I have agreed to meet with) starts in with the "OK. You must not be there....Umm...when are you going to text me back....are you mad at me? What does your silence mean...." AHAHHHAHAHHAHAH Drives me crazy. Suddenly texting turns dating into a borderline personality festival. (Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness marked by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships.~NIMH) 

I spent many years in this back and forth battle of "I don't want to give up what I am doing" and "I need to change everything about my life." I see people struggling with this every day, especially in my work setting where we are moving this way and that way with technology and changing processes and designs every other minute. 

As the level of absurdity reached an epic level today. I was glad that I read my daily mediation before hitting the road today.

"Maturity is measurable by our response to the ebb and flow of the day, the season, even our lifetime....absorbing from every experience will strengthen our character and prepare us for what lies ahead. Today may offer me pleasure and also pain. I need both to meet tomorrow."

This year has been a bit of a struggle from a few different angles. I have been trying my best to take each day as it comes. For the most part, I have been able to see the light and the benefits of most of these experiences. One of the great lessons of AA: "Learning to live life of life's terms." That was an important one for me to remember today as I watched office politics soar to a new level of annoyance. 

I had a meeting today. Within my DBT training, I worked a lot of my interpersonal skills. They are, by no means, perfect, that is for sure. Anyway, I was going into a meeting in which I was entirely sure I knew how I was going to answer the questions posed to me. I try to plan some of these conversations out in my head so that I can meet my goal in the conversation. Initially, I thought my goal was going to be to preserve my relationships with the people whom I work. I had carefully thought out the pros and cons and decided the right thing to do. 

Upon my arrival to work today, that whole idea when right down the drain. I realized suddenly, all my assumptions and ideas were not going to preserve my relationships at all. The next move was to preserve my self-respect. (There are three areas in communication - objective - I need to ask for something, relationship - I need to address something or self-respect in which I need to stand my ground on the issue at hand.) I wasn't prepared to sit down in a meeting and defend my self-respect, although on some level I knew this was going to happen so there had been some forethought at a different time.  Ultimately, I think I did pretty well in the situation and realized the relationships I had hoped to preserve were no longer salvageable. I got lucky because I will have other opportunities now, but it is coming at a pretty distinct price to the good relationships that are still viable. Had I continued to push forward, I think I would have been extremely disappointed in the outcome and am glad I opted for some self-preservation.

Interpersonal communications has been one of the most difficult things for me to master in the realm of DBT skills. I still have the "what if people get mad at me" syndrome on and off again. I am fearful of rejection at times. I believe on some levels it is easier to just not ask and down play my needs or wants. Dating has helped me break through some of these barriers recently. I am starting to stick up for what I believe in and maintaining a much higher level of self-respect than I ever had in the past. I can say "no" now, not easily, but I can and do. In the work environment, however, it is more difficult. It is one thing to say or ask for something then never see the person again. It's another when you spend more time with co-workers than I spend with my cats. (The cats aren't that easy to say "no" to and I have no dignity or self-respect around them :) So, I struggle on the priority of the situation, always seeking to maintain the relationships overall.

Well, today I learned a valuable lesson. I could not be calm with myself if I was unable to have my self-respect at the end of the day. I spend a lot of time with these guys but I spend the most time with myself. I need to be able to lay down at night and know that I did what I could to preserve a relationship. At the end of the day, if this is going to be a destructive relationship, then I need to know that I did not let myself get trampled down in an effort to save something that was only going to cause pain and emotional discomfort.

I am sitting in my bed tonight, with Duke at my side, listening to him purr while he waits for his belly to be rubbed. I look back on the events of today and feel calm and collected about the decisions I made and the outcome of all the various discussions of the day. My boss is super cool and has a tendency to shield me from some of the more juvenile behaviors going on with the office politics. I know I do good work, she knows I do good work. Boom...self-respect. I do not either need to prove myself to anyone or go to further lengths than I already do. I knew at the beginning of this last summer I was likely to lose some friends at work. I was certainly right there. Sadly, we were unable to forge a professional working relationship after a few months of trying. I feel I made a concerted effort on my side and if that is not accepted by other parties, I need to relieve myself of the worry and anxiety that creates. I did so today and I couldn't be more pleased with the outcome.

It is days like these that I am truly grateful to have found some inner peace in my life. Three or four years ago, I would have compromised just about anything to make sure I preserved all the relationships even if that meant going against my own values and judgments. I had commented in past blogs about playing both sides of the fence. I did that in order to be everyone's best friend. What I got out of that was nothing but anxiety and terror that I would be found out or I was doing things that were against my core. I struggles for so many years living against my values and wondering why I was crying myself to sleep every night. I won't do that anymore because I know how truly lost it makes me feel. I want to say what I mean and mean what I say. That to me is living life on life's terms. I know the kind of life I want to live. I need to adhere to the values I have deemed important and necessary. If I get unexpected results, good or bad, that is life guiding me to my next destination.

OXOXOXO
Julie

I have been on a bit of a DBT kick recently. Partly because I have been feeling the depression creeping back into my life and DBT skills are just made to deal with these issues. Also because I opted to use this content in a group presentation that I did. Early recovery sucks. My biggest complaint after getting out of treatment was "I still have the same problems, no skills to cope with any of it and now I can't drink!!" Yup, early recovery sucks on many levels. My DBT courses were the first time anyone offered me anything to try and cope with this new world of suck-a-tude.

When I was giving my presentation I talked a lot of about building mastery in life. The goal of DBT, CBT and AA for that matter, is building a life worth living. Well, what happens when I stop believing that I can do anything right. Or I think that I am not good enough. Or that I have to do huge things in order to prove my worth. I can hear Marsha Linehan (creator of DBT) telling me - stop right there, young lady, back up, start again. Build mastery.....

So, what does this really mean? It's about doing the little things everyday, acknowledging the fact that you were successful at it and what you did made life that much better for having done it. Let's say, I really like painting. I buy the canvas, $300 worth of expensive oil paints and designer brushes. For me, I am going to have an EPIC freak out. I will start telling myself that I can't use this stuff, it's too expensive to waste on something I am not really good at. So, in my good DBT world, I am going to take all of this stuff back and get something a little simpler, like a little figurine that comes with 4 or 5 colors and brush. I am going to practice and have some fun painting. When I am done, I had a good time, life is a little better because I had a good time and my figurine looks spectacular.

Outside of the arts & crafts kind of world, other life areas need some attention too. The goal is to engage in 1 task everyday that makes me feel competent, accomplished and in control of my life. For instance, sitting down and budgeting out the month. While I never actually stick to the budget, I feel accomplished about taking the time to know exactly where I am financially and where I am at with my goals. There are times that I pick a room and start to reorganize, dust and just do a deep clean. I definitely feel accomplished and in control of my life. These are the type of activities that I am currently engaged in to make myself feel confident. Let's step back a few year and look at where I applied this particular skill.

In the fall of 2010, I was finally pulling together about 90 days of sustained sobriety when we got to this module. When we first started talking about it, I got really depressed. There were so many hopes and dreams I felt like I had lost because of my drinking. The things I wanted to do to build mastery were to find a grad school, get married again, have a family, buy a new house, get my RN and get a different job. Lofty goals for someone who still had no idea what long-term sobriety even looked like. I met in the DBT groups once a week and then had counseling on an individual basis. My counselor asked me to talk about some of my mastery interests. I blurted out the above list. 

Needless to say, she wasn't very impressed. But apparently, there are many of us DBT newbies that make this error when we think about building skills. We are thinking too largely, too broadly and too ambitiously for where we are in our lives. While all of these goals are great long-term goals, they were not realistic and ultimately had the opposite effect. I put so much pressure on myself to consider these goals, I started to not function in my daily life under my own self-imposed 10 ton boulder of responsibility. My counselor told me to focus on much smaller goals. Is there a day that I didn't want to get out of bed but I did anyway? Did I get to a meeting enough times for myself in a week? Did I get all my tasks done at work to the best of my ability? Yeah, I did all those things, but isn't that just really expected of a grown adult? We have to do these things, right? My counselor asked me what the harm would be to take some credit for doing things that I don't always want to do but push through and do it anyway. What would be the harm of giving myself a pat on the back putting my recovery first. Yeah, these are things I need to do but why not give myself some accolades for actually doing them?

Some days I have to go back to the basics and congratulate myself for getting out of bed when I really didn't want to. Most days, now, are devoted to the bigger dreams of school, etc. Because I finally cut myself some slack and told myself good job for cleaning the bathroom (I really loathe that task), I have finally been able to build a foundation to step on toward the larger goals. I still have pangs sometimes when I think, "why am I congratulating myself for taking out the garbage? It stinks, it had to go out." The truth of the matter, I did the task and life is better for it, so I shot myself a "thanks for finally doing that". If someone would have done it for me, I would have said thank you, so why can't I say it to myself? 

I try to remember to do these little things. 3 years ago, you would not have convinced me that I was going to buy into this BS of self-affirmations and loving myself inside and out. As cheesy and hokey as it might seem to some, it is the root of everything. I will never be a positive person until the core of me is happy. My core is happy in part to making an effort to be kind to myself. Try it some time. It might just change or life.....

Julie

Well, what can I say? I am back at it again. You would think I had learned my lesson about dating from the last round, but alas, two upcoming dates next week. I plan on being a little more discreet about the details this time. I did learn that lesson quite well.

What did I change this time around? I got rid of one my profiles all together from one free site. I thought I was meeting relatively good people on there until I looked back - hmmmm....there maybe plenty of fish of plentyoffish.com but none for me apparently....

I did purchase a 6 month subscription to match.com. I have had that profile up for about three months. I am feeling kinda self-conscious about that one because everyone tells me it is such a meat market and they got contacted all the time. Not me....I have had a few conversations that started but never really went anywhere....until now. I decided for fun to update my profile and make things a little lighter. I still have on there that I am in recovery and that me and the cats are a package deal. 2 areas of my life I am not willing to negotiate anymore. Amen. It must have been successful or something because now I am getting all sorts of responses. 

This next part is where I made the big changes. I quit feeling sorry for other people. I have to admit, I write some of these people back because I feel bad for them. They seem nice enough but I am not interested. I just discovered that match.com has this automated email that you send out, kinda like the rejection emails when applying to jobs..."thanks but no thanks." I have to remind myself, I am not on there to save the world or anything. I am looking for someONE, not everyone. Also, by adding the cat and alcohol rule, most people will read that far and decide their level of interest right then and there. I think I am preferring the profile piece since it is out in the open, upfront. If they are not cool with it, then they won't respond. So, there.

Now I haven't been on a physical face to face date since the last nightmare blew up. The next two dates are with people who are financially and emotionally stable. There are lots of common interests, not so much recovery related, but movies, TV, fun things to do. Both of them are cool with the fact that I don't drink. I asked them to please define "social drinking" in their terms since I find this to be very broadly used on these profiles. 1-2 drink every few months. OK, that is actually social drinking in my book. Yipppee! 

It appears to me that I have the online dating part of this adventure under control, it's going to be the person to person stuff I need to work on a little bit. I figured out a few things that I didn't care for on the first round. 1. Not enough in common. The conversation dies after about 5 minutes. I will start babbling incoherently in order to avoid uncomfortable silences. 2. I beat myself up after a date. Analyzing every last word I said...."was this stupid to say? Oh no, I wonder if he thinks...." All of my dates ended with a request for another date so I need to get over myself about that piece. Who doesn't say something kinda dumb or embarrassing at some point? 3. Two of the dates stand out in particular for talking wayyyy too much. I actually had to jump in to even say a sentence. I don't like that either. I want a two way conversation. I don't want to become the counselor again. I think it is fine to talk about past relationships, but there were about 4 that were absolutely still in the mourning stages of these last relationships. How can I possibly compete with that?? 

My goals this time around are to just be me. If I come off like a big nerd or kinda flighty, well, that is just me. Love it or leave it. Another goal is to actually tell someone if I am not interested in another date. I get all squeamish and text them later on. BOOOOO....time to grow up Jules....the reason I don't do it face to face is because I can't stand the look on their face. When I asked my ex-husband to move out, I will never forget that expression nor will I forget the tears that rolled down his face. It broke my heart at the time. I wanted to jump in and save him. I wanted to talk it all back just to stop that moment from progressing. While I was sober in that very moment when it happened, I drank over it for 3 more years.  I need to get over the uncomfortable nature of this situation and practice my program of honesty. That's a big one. I will certainly keep you posted. 

Take care all.....Julie T.  

Happy Thanksgiving 2013! I had the distinct pleasure of spending the day with my family and some fellow AA friends. I have been looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. In reality, I have been looking forward to the holidays every year since I stopped drinking. This Thanksgiving is #3 for me.

I haven't been writing very much recently other than papers for school which don't count as "real" writing in my book. Funny enough, the day after I launched this site and was ready to take over the blogging world, I lost my internet connection. My schedule is so crazy busy that when the only available appointments to come and fix it are Monday through Friday from 8-5, I cannot be there. I made a bit of an impulse decision to change companies. I picked up a little cable TV and a bit cheaper internet. Ironically enough, it doesn't work either and the first opportunity to fix that will come 22 days after I signed up. Good thing I hadn't cancelled my old service or no one would have heard from me for a month or more!

Getting this Master's Degree has been a bigger struggle than I had imaged it would be. In the beginning, I took 4 classes while working 12 hour overnight shifts with all classes scheduled in the middle of my sleep. OK, that was my fault for taking on too much, but it still gets harder yet. I made the decision to leave my full time job, go to casual status and enroll in school full-time. I believe to this day that was a great decision, really based on some sound reasoning and how my job ended up, it was certainly for the best since I would not have been able to go to school at all. 

The first semester of full time was complicated by a depression medication change which left me irritable, in pain and suffering under persistent thoughts of dying. I limped through the semester and unfortunately under the program, there was one a week break between semesters and semester #2 started with the same complications with the medication change. Ultimately, I ended up withdrawing from the semester after a conflict with a clinical placement and my mental health. I worked for the semester (so grateful my employer took me back!). It was a long summer and I lumbered through a lot of politics and lost a few friends in the process. Fortunately, I gained a few more along the way as well. 

I was so excited to start semester #3. My school started an Advanced Practice Master's Program which would allow me to get an LPCC (Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor) designation for mental health counseling in addition to my LADC (Licensed Drug & Alcohol Counselor). I did opt to take a few "elective" credits throughout my time so that I would be eligible for my LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor) which practices at a lower level than the LPCC but lands in the world of mental health. I have been told over the last year or two that I have been on this adventure, LPCC is good to get, it's only another 16 credits and could lead to another $12,000 pay and most places are looking for people who are dual licensed. LPC counselor is generally not able to bill Medicare or Medicaid as they do not recognize services provided by LPCs but they do with LPCCs. (There is a reason that I am telling you all this boring crap...I am getting there.... :) )I changed over to the Advanced Practice program and was already to move along.

This semester has generated additional challenges for me. I love my placement right now and I respect the people with whom I am working.  I am, however, struggling with my commitment to the educational piece. I know that I am still holding somewhat of a grudge against my school for what happened last semester. Overall, I am just a little unhappy with my whole experience. This semester feels more academically intense than the previous semesters. I don't care for one class at all and just find myself unwilling to engage. I have already missed the maximum number of classes before I start getting in trouble. Given, I was ill but I probably could have pushed myself to get up for that class and go especially since there are points given for just showing up! Still, not enough to generate any type of motivation on this end. I did well on the mid-term so now I am feeling like there is an opportunity to continue to let my attendance slide. 

I started thinking about what I tell my clients to do. I emphasize finding a balance and making sure recovery always first. I stress the need to not overburden or complicate. Do not create stress where stress does not need to be. I am the farthest from practicing any of this at this very moment. I haven't been to a meeting in weeks. I am starting to feel the stress of that. I have one day off a week. I am totally, 100% burned out by Wednesday and my days off are on Sunday. I continue to work and I do not want to sever this relationship as it could lead to a job when I am finished. I am torn between two worlds - one I am a very successful nurse that knows most things and the other I am a counselor who is barely able to tell my head from my ass. I feel like I am on this wicked roller coaster. If I were my own client, I would start really pushing for a review of what is important in life.

I started to take a look at my priorities, wishes and career options. When I started this program, what was my goal? My goal was to obtain a Master's and become an addictions counselor. I didn't even know what LPCs and LPCCs even were so when did this become a priority? While it makes perfect sense to get both licenses, here are other things God and I had a conversation about over the past 2 weeks: Can I deal with the stress of getting all the supervised hours in (2000 or 4000 hours)? Do I pursue a job just because it will offer the supervision piece even it means I don't get the job I want to do? Can I afford to maintain three licenses all with different continuing education requirements (I still plan to keep my nursing license)? Is it absolutely imperative to do this extra piece, right here and right now? The only one that came up a yes was the ability to pay for all the licenses. I can make that happen if I want to. Otherwise the answer was a resounding no.

I made my pros and cons list of changing back to the Master's in Addiction Counseling and leaving the Advanced Practice piece for another time and maybe a different facility. It was clear after being written out that I would like to complete my degree after this next semester and defer further education for the mental health LPCC. I will still be able to work on the mental health piece to some degree with the LPC. I am still relatively young. I can return to do these four additional classes when I feel like my sobriety and mental health are not so taxed. I feel as though I will break under the stress if I choose to move through with 2 more semester. The financial strain is tough. The extra semester would be another $20,000 investment for me. I have $30,000 already in. I think I am ready to start working again. I have three potential offers out there. 

My first and foremost major concern right now is my sobriety. The thoughts have become stronger and I actually thought to myself the other day, "if I relapsed, I could still go back to nursing.....". This is a dangerous place. Relapse starting long before the first drink and I caught myself taking the first step in that direction. Second, my mental health was compromised earlier this year and I have never quite felt the same after I attempted to make the medication change. All in all, I feel pretty good. I would say I just get blue and unmotivated more than I used to. I will be fine to make it through the semester and the next one. I just wonder about attempting a third.  I have driven myself insane before so I know what I am capable of doing to myself if I am not careful. I need to allow myself some time to breath and enjoy life around me. I have been feeling this strong yearning for things to be simple again. 

I did today what I felt I needed to do before I let someone talk me out of it. In my heart, I know what I need to do and it is preserve my sobriety and mental health and maybe also my physical health. This year just seemed to be plagued by illness. I suspect running wild working and going to school for 70 hours a week wasn't helping matters. I have not talked with anyone about my decision to reconsider my educational path. I felt a need for God and I to hash this one out. I came to the conclusion on Wednesday when I was sitting in a group and I was listening to a man in the group talk about his faith and his feelings about the Big Book - I swore I heard my Dad in his voice. "You just have to keep it simple. Jesus made it  simple. Bill W. got life all the way down to 12 steps. That ain't so hard. Is it?" I remember my Dad telling me when I was little that the most important concept of the Bible was "Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself". It's just that simple. I just have been trying to stay quiet to remain in a position to hear God provide me with direction. I am absolutely sure I heard this message yesterday.

I have lots and lots to write about so I hope to tackle some of these deep thoughts this weekend! Thank you to all the readers who have followed me from my original blog. 

Peace out!