Diversifying Life

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

The move is complete. It was not the smoothest move I have done and I really felt my age this time around. That being said, I am very glad it is over and that I decided to go this route. Now that I am a few weeks out from closing on my previous condo, I am feeling great relief to be in a place where any maintenance concerns will be address as part of my rent and not require me to come up with thousands of dollars on the spot. Toward the end, I was getting concerned that the water heater was going, the dryer actually broke, and the heater which was only 5 years old was starting to make weird sounds. I couldn't get out fast enough. Fortunately, the route I went was an "as is" sale and I wasn't on the hook for fixing anything right before I left. 

The past month has been a bit on the crazy side so I haven't see everyone quite as much I was will in future. In general, I haven't really seen family or friends a ton in over four months. I started teaching clinical session for nursing students in February which has allocated Mondays to work. I work 3-4 days a week on my block schedule and still have a third job who is in need of some support. I have had a few weeks where I ended up working nearly every single day for 2-3 weeks at a time which flipping my nights to days with less than 24 hours to do so. Talk about feeling my age.....I don't rebound quite as quickly as I used to. 

Last summer, I started with a new therapist. I kinda dig her style with me. Direct, solutions-driven, gives me homework, etc. I told her that while the clinical teaching is going well, I really would like to teach in the classroom. When I look at job listings for those kinds of positions, I see that a doctorate degree is required or strongly preferred. Guess where my mind went - could I do just one more degree? I mentioned this thought in my last appointment. My therapist had some options. Many of which I do agree with and she set forth a challenge for the next several weeks. I have to "diversify my life". 

She told me that highly independent and high achieving individuals are likely to seek academia as a way to feed that part of my life that tends to get bored and restless. I am good at school. I like getting positive feedback from instructors about my research efforts. Then, we talked about how strongly my identity is associated with being a nurse and a person in recovery. I feel strongly about what I do and what I know so my way of integrating those passions into my life was through getting additional education and ultimately working in those fields. The most memorable quote from this session: "No more jobs, no more school." That has been my pattern for years and years now - probably since I was about 24ish? I want to do something career-wise, it requires specific training, figure out how to manage financially, and then go to school for the training. I don't have a single moment of regret from going the nursing route other than I wish I would have believed in myself a bit more and got my RN sooner. Otherwise, nursing school is kind of my jam. I do carry some regrets about the other master's. I think if I had waited longer to enroll I would have had more perspective about the potential hazards of going down this path. That being said, I did meet some amazing people who have become life-long friends. That does make it worth it.

Because I was able to get some proceeds from my home, I am virtually debt-free now. I also received a substantial raise at the beginning of the year. Minnesota increased the reimbursement rates for home care nurses which was passed along, in part, to us. With these two factors, I don't have a need for three jobs. Financially, I don't need it. There is not a need for instructors over the summer, so I will have those days back. I pick up as I can with the other position. My schedule with my full-time gig won't change. And I don't really need to pick-up overtime. Here in lies my challenge: Do some soul searching. Try to understand what parts of me are not feeling content (not unhappy, just restless/bored). Find something that is NOT another job, NOR another degree to do. I sit back and read these previous sentences and think "it really shouldn't be that hard right?" Well.......I've been in the same pattern for over 20 years. When I am bored, I go back to school. I was quite unhappy in a lot of employment situations previously so looking for and starting a new job is like breathing for me sometimes. I also get a pretty big rush out of the interview process, getting a new offer, and showing off how quickly I can learn and adapt to an environment. I like where I am at with my job. I love nights, I adore the client with whom I work, and my environment. I'm planning to stay for at least 3-5 more years assuming my body holds out. All of my needs are covered within my nursing world/career. 

When I think about how to add something different from my life, you might be surprised that I don't know what I like to do outside of nursing and some recovery activities. I know that I really do like writing so updating this blog is one thing I would like to give more attention going forward. I might look into taking a creative writing class. I have wondered about the possibility of writing a book. I have been subscribed to a book writing newsletter for probably at least eight years. I may take a look at that path. I would actually have some time and ability to do something artsy like a pottery class. All of these things are infinitely less expensive than a new degree and might give me motivation to explore other things besides being a nurse and a recovering alcoholic.

I have known for a really long time that my identity is highly linked to my career. I have been getting feedback about that for SO many years. I know that about myself. Then, when I decided to be open about my recovery, I have developed a strong sense of identity there too. At least I am two-dimensional! In reality, I am not going to be a nurse forever. Some day I will retire (I hope). What else is there about me? What else do I feel passionate about? What satisfies my thrill-seeker side? I hope that I will be in recovery forever. And, there is much more to me than a person who has a severe problem with alcohol use. I am proud of my recovery and there are aspects of my experience that serve me well on a daily basis. Again, what else is there about me? There is a point at recovery when it is not about the fight of staying sober, it's taking advantage and building a new life that doesn't trigger my desire to handle stress that way. I have done a lot of work in this area. Time to circle back, again, and do some more digging. 

Wishing everyone well and hope to be writing more regularly!
​Julie