Happy Thanksgiving 2013

Happy Thanksgiving 2013! I had the distinct pleasure of spending the day with my family and some fellow AA friends. I have been looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. In reality, I have been looking forward to the holidays every year since I stopped drinking. This Thanksgiving is #3 for me.

One of the biggest things that I have noticed is my attitude. The holidays seemed to be a great time of year to feel sorry for myself. I don't have kids, I am not as good as everyone else, these people are going to keep me from drinking, etc. etc. Some things have changed in the past 4 years, including my niece and nephew. However, most things have stayed the same. I am single for this holiday as I mainly had been for the last 7 years. (Had a boyfriend, never showed up to anything = same as single in my book.) Anyway, I don't feel once ounce of pity for myself this year. I have this great family who supports me hell or high water. I have these super cute little people in my life and I am so dang busy, it is nice to just sit around, eat and talk about all the goings on in life. 

In the prior years, my hole focus was how a day like Thanksgiving messed up my routine. Now I have to drive to the in-laws house. Now I have to try to get to my place. I am try not to drink in front of my family so I really try to wait until I get home. OMG, I am not going to get home until 10pm and the liquor stores are closed....HAHAHAHAHHAAH...These thoughts were the only thing I could think about and I fretted the whole day about getting back home. There was no joy in the holidays. It was a show to hide the secret. 

While I may not exactly be where I had hoped to be at age 36, I am happy and content with all the progress that has been made.  When I first started by DBT course work, I really thought all that "mindfulness" stuff was just crap. It was hippy talk and I don't buy into the whole meditation thing. When I finally decided to give a listen to what I was being taught, it is probably one of the skills I have most benefited from. The idea is to be present. Simple right? Ahhh....takes some practice. There is no thinking about yesterday, there is no worrying about tomorrow. I am here. I am engaged and participating in everything about this moment, right now. It took me about 6 months to master this skill.  

I noticed yesterday that I was being very mindful and present in the moment. I enjoyed my experience that much more than I have in previous years. The AA world also introduced to the true idea of gratitude. I didn't have to think of anything in particular throughout the day yesterday, I was just basking in 100% gratitude. It was just everything, not just one thing. It was so delightful. I had been struggle with some depression symptoms in the past month.  I feel like I might be pushing right through this now. I get some seasonal stuff every fall. I got some light therapy going now and an effort on my part to push my brain to the more positive. Daily gratitude lists, taking a moment to compliment another person and petting my kittens are a few of the daily things I am trying to incorporate into my life these day. As my counselor at my internship says "it's not about the big things, it's all about the little things we do everyday...." Today, I couldn't agree more.....

Happy Haunakua! & Happy Thanksgiving!

Julie T.

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