Year 38

So, it's my birthday today. I know many people who don't like birthdays, but I love them. I love when other people have them and I love when I have them as well. It's not so much about the age, but about celebrating a special day just for that person. This birthday, I am feeling tremendously loved after having a brilliant weekend with a great friend and my super cool family.

I am 38 today. Two weeks after my 33rd birthday, I entered treatment for the first time. Later that year, I entered treatment for the second time. A month or so prior to my 34th birthday I entered DBT. What I did in that 33rd year of life save my life and saved me from me. 

When I started my individual weekly counseling for DBT, I remember telling my counselor (more than once) -- "I just want to fast forward 5 years and see what I am doing. Am I still in recovery? Am I OK? Did I make it? If I did make it -- was I happy? I could use that knowledge to get me through right now." I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. I didn't know how to live without alcohol. I was so scared that I was going to screw up HPSP and lose my nursing license. I didn't think I was going to actually change my life. 

Well, here it is 5 years later. My 5 year "other birthday" will be in the summer time. It was exactly 5 years ago that I started in my final addiction descent to admit into treatment for the first time. If I had been able to jump to the future at that time, what would I have thought? "So, I am Julie of the future - you are sober, you went and got your masters in addiction counseling, you stood in front of 500 people and openly stated you were an alcoholic and didn't bat an eye, you love AA, you love DBT and now you are the prevention specialist for an entire county in WI." Whoa, wait. What? Actually, Julie Present is still having a hard time believing how far I have come in conquering such a powerful affliction. For how I felt at that time, I sort of wondered if I would have believed it. So....I am OK being an addict? I actually tell people that? I am not working as a nurse anymore? That's craziness.

I called up a friend from my time and school recently. "So, how's the new job?" My response.....I didn't know it could be this good. When I originally applied for this position, I didn't know if I had the appropriate experience but I was terribly motivated to do and learn whatever I needed to in order to be successful at the job. Apparently that came through on the interview because my experience has been called into question since I started. Not in a rude way, just my team trying to figure out where I am at. I think I surprised them the other day by recreating an assessment form that incorporated the ASAM treatment place criteria. That's right people -- I got some credibility there!

So, 100+ people have texted, messaged me, dropped by my LinkedIN and Facebook sites to wish my a happy birthday with some wishing me all the best for the year to come. I smile when I read that since I am so excited about what YEAR 38 is going to bring. When I went back to school in 2012, I just kept thinking that I have something big to offer in this field. While I tend to think really BIG like the TEDx talk and speaking at forums about addiction, I sometimes have to remember that there are big things I have already done. I have been writing this blog for 3 years now. By opening up about my story, struggles and accomplishments, I have had numerous people come to me and ask a question. That is actually huge. People who want to know about something related to addiction but maybe never had anyone to ask. I have had people come to me and ask me how to get help for themselves or someone they love. In my mind, these aren't a big deal, ask away! In reality, I have been a part of starting a dialogue with so many people. It just shows me that this current position I am working is the next stepping stone to do these sames things on a larger level. Each of you who have reached out to me to talk about addiction, you have shown me how hungry everyone is to understand addiction. People want to know how to help someone or love someone who is addicted. Some people just want to know what it takes to get into recovery. The most common question I get -- "Do I have to do AA?" To which my answer is "no". Recovery is unique to everyone. I can tell you what was helpful for me. That doesn't mean you have to do as I do. 

I go to sleep every night and I say a prayer of "thanks" for all that I have and to make sure I am always stay in a state of gratefulness for the path I am on. I could not have done this alone. There were treatment counselors, mental health counselors, co workers, friends, family, AA sponsors, AA friends, DBT friends, teachers/instructors who all participated in me getting to this point. I have done just a fraction of my recovery on my very own. My job in recovery is to remain open-minded and willing to do what I need to do in order to be sober. Whether that is taking direction from those who came before me or going back to counseling when I am slipping back into old behavior patterns. I make the final decision but without all of the people listed above, my decision wouldn't mean much without the support. When I stood up on the stage at the TEDx Talk and started to speak, I thought of all the people who stood by me in the late stages of addiction with me -- my family and close friends. I wanted to make them so proud. If they hadn't believed in me and supported me in the early recovery process, I would have never seen all of these amazing things in recovery. 

I established a few long term goals for myself for 2015. Two years ago, these goals would have seemed like a pipe dream. Last year, I wouldn't have believe that I would really be able to do what I want to do. This year? What out world, here I come. I have the dream job with an opportunity to so much positive work. I have this loving group of family and friends who support me in anyway imaginable. 

So, it was a great birthday. KG and I got to be our silly old selves for a day without any responsibilities. My mom threw me a birthday party decorated by my 3 year old niece. I got to spend time with my sister and her family. I posted on my FB site "I don't know that birthdays get any better than this.

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