Whirlwind 2020

I have always told people that the name of my first book is going to be "Hugging a Tornado". I planned to talk about my story and what it must be like to love an addict like me. I moved at 200 mph, wrecked a hole bunch of stuff and people still stuck around knowing that I might strike again at any time. I was thinking about that today as I was running around getting some stuff done today. I feel like 2020 has been kind of like a tornado, but not quite. More of a whirlwind of changes and motions that has me quite amazed with only being 13 days into the new year.

I started the orientation for my new job. It's an orientation that I have been through many times: ethics, boundaries, payroll, etc. The room had a good energy even though I was the only one in my room that was completing orientation for my specific site and I was the only nurse starting. During orientation, I found out that they have a contract with Rasmussen and offer 10-20% off of tuition. Wow. That's huge. I just have to send in a copy of my first pay stub and the discount starts immediately. I wasn't expecting that! I was talking with the HR rep about the location I am going to and she said that people rarely leave that facility. She was excited that I was willing to take a part-time position. She knows the staff well and felt like I was going to be a great match for them. They may be expecting a retirement down the line. Regardless, it says something about the facility when people rarely leave! Yeah!

Right before the Christmas Holiday, I was approached about possibly serving on the board for a local treatment facility. I was totally shocked. I have known the owner of the facility for about 7 years now. He was actually one of my first supervisors when I was interning. We have always had a lot of mutual respect for each other and it has now led to me serving on the board. I feel very honored to bring my expertise to the team. They are really excited I can type and volunteered to take notes at the meetings going forward. Ha! The board was excited about my experiences both with nursing and behavioral health. I have a lot of knowledge about treatment, insurance, aging populations and I love public speaking. I am honored to be considered and accepted tonight at the meeting. 

I started looking at a contract position with a local case management company. I was super excited on Friday after speaking with the CEO of the company. I got word today that they could not take me for the position because it requires an RN (vs LPN) per state statue. Regardless of anything, the CEO was super excited about me and told me to call him if I was still interested when I was done with my degree. In the meanwhile, he is attempting to apply for a waiver to see if they could work with LPN staff in the long-term. Even though it didn't work out, I am still really excited about the potential opportunities that are out there once I am done. There will be no shortage of nursing needs in the behavioral health setting. I am taking this as one of those moments: "It wasn't mean to be. For a good reason." I hope to get a better handle on things right now with all of these changes, so maybe I just didn't need this right now.

I am plugging away at school. I am working through testing out of Algebra. I have successfully passed 3 of 6 modules. I have a total of 45 days to get the whole thing done. I hope to knock it out in the next two weeks. I am taking a compressed Chemistry class. I have a very solid C+. I asked my mom this weekend if it was too early to start screaming "Cs gets degrees". She was supportive :) I don't care about a 4.0; some of these classes I just need to pass. Here's hoping! I have to start working on anatomy and physiology soon. There are 16 modules and I have done 2. I haven't started the lab yet despite the delivery of my animal to dissect. I know I will get it done. I am staying organized. 

In 6 weeks, I am going to be heading out on a cruise with one of my very best friends. I almost haven't had time to think about it with all the chaos going on, yet here it is coming up very fast. Miami in Feb? Sign me up. What I am most excited about is the fact that I CAN have fun. I will have some stress with school, but I don't believe I will be carrying much stress from my work life. While transplant can be stressful in the moment, I truly can walk away from it and not be terribly consumed by the stress on any long-term basis. That is what I never found in the field of counseling. I never quite figured out how to walk away. With being able to leave everything behind (stress, worries, school, etc), I can be truly present and enjoy each minute of this trip. 

I stopped in to a nursing uniform shop today (that is just way too much fun....). I was talking with the worker there and was telling her that I was rejoining the nursing field and needed something to wear. Since I was the only one in the store, she spent a lot of time with me and I am now the owner of some new fabulous pieces. She asked me what I had been doing prior and I talked about my experiences as a counselor. She talked about how her daughter was working as a social worker. "She looks like she is getting eaten alive. She can't talk about anything else because there is nothing else in her life. I worry about her." Oh God, did that ever hit home. Yes. I know how that is. Everything gets related back to work. The only thing I have to offer in a conversation is work related. It is so much clearer to me how burned out I was and to the degree it was interfering with every aspect of my life.

I logged into LinkedIn this evening. In general, I don't pay much attention to my professional profile. Honestly, it hadn't changed much in the last 5 years. I have received a lot of "Congrats on your new role" messages which are generally generic. I had a few people reach out to me to ask about the change from counseling to nursing as my main focus. It generated some interesting conversations. Apparently, there is a lot of burn out running around the field and people are generally asking if it is better to go back to nursing. I can't say if it is the right decision for them. I am very clear now it was the right decision for me. That is not to say that I won't return again some day. Who knows! I am also getting the added benefit of making some new connections.

Mentally, I made a commitment at the end of 2019 to do a lot of things differently. While I am not going to the gym or making a radical changes to my diet, I want to take care of me in a very different way. "Follow your bliss...." is a phrase I have heard in the past. So, I am doing that right now. I get twinges of "I should have done this [RN school] instead of getting a degree in counseling all those years ago." Interestingly, as I was leaving the uniform store today, the woman said, "It's a good thing you did that path though, now there will be no wondering or having the 'what-ifs'. Let's be real, learning to be good to people at their weakest will always serve you well." She's right. I got to know my population on a deeper level and I am a better person for it. 

Julie