Time for Change in 2015

For any of you with whom I have spoken in the past 6 months or have followed this blog, I make no particular secret that I have been having difficulties with finding my path in this new career of drug and alcohol counseling. I have tried three positions thus far and have been unable to connect with any of these positions. I found areas within each position that I really liked, but failed, ultimately, to stay. I was starting to wonder if I had chosen the wrong path in pursuing alcohol and drug counseling versus education. 

My emotions have been up and down, left and right. I have gone from looking at starting a private consulting business, to returning to get my PhD, bailing on the field completely and returning to nursing. While I still plan to pursue the independent consulting practice and possibly a PhD down the line, I believe I was moving forward prematurely with these ideas because of an impending sense of desperation to get to where I want to be in the field. I want to be an educator, a teacher or something along these lines. While I do that in direct counseling, the 100% counseling gig made me feel overwhelmed and unhappy. 

The departure from my last two positions were swift and without much notice. There were certainly justifiable reasons for that which I will not talk about specifically here. I am, however, not particularly proud of how I have been handling the confrontation that needed to happen in both circumstances. I took the easy way out by leaving and leaving quickly. It was starting to make me wonder if there was even a future in this field for me. Deep down, I felt it, especially after that TEDx talk. I know that is what I was meant to do. But I was lost at how to get there.

Shortly after I started my last position, I started the job search immediately. Again, without specifics here, it was a bad fit and I knew it right from the beginning. I did a little soul searching and thought about my options. School, going into business for myself, finishing the mental health, going back to nursing and also widening my job search to other states. I started applying for nursing positions and really didn't get any bites, most likely because I have been out of direct care nursing for a long time now. In all reality, it wasn't anything that I was totally excited about going back to. When I started my masters program, I had entertained the idea of letting my nursing license lapse. THANK GOD, I didn't. An old high school friend actually told me I really shouldn't do that. It saves his butt and it could save mine too. Boy, was he ever right. Thanks, Michael. 

I took the GREs for a doctoral program, filled out the applications. I got my three potential references contacted. The more effort I put into it, though, the less excited I was about it. How much have I talked about being burned out from school? A Lot. A Lot. Living the poor student life for another 4-5 years and attending school full time was getting harder and harder to swallow. Ironically, the deadline was this last Monday for both programs I was pursuing and none of my references submitted their references. I didn't follow up and the schools and I hadn't chatted about the fact that they were not received until after the deadline. So, I guess that is kind of out of the running, although there is one program that I am still looking into which would not require relocation. More to come on that.....

Obviously, I returned to my nursing job and my boss was willing to put a full time offer on the table that would reinstate me to a position of being benefit eligible again. I was giving great thought to that. I know the place, I know the job and I would have the benefits again that I really liked there. But, even 5 days into being back, I realized quickly where my passion was. I could hear the disappointment in my voice when people asked why I was back. "Well, the LADC world has been very tough on me....I am just here until I figure out what to do next." When I accepted a full time position back, it was always understood that I would be pursuing other work. I would commit month-by-month until I decided what to do next. 

Up until yesterday, I was starting to get concerned about this job stuff. I had an excellent interview with a place in WI back in November. I had applied in October. I was selected for an interview. When I got there, I re-read the job description again. I lit up - "yes! This is the job I wanted". It was part community educator, part counselor. I read through all that they wanted with regards to experience and my heart sank. I wasn't really qualified other than I had a masters. I am too young of a counselor I thought. The interview went fairly well and they were giving me information about the rest of the interview process and asked when I could start if I were offered the position. I kinda figured they would not do that if they were truly not interested. 

Right after this interview, I left my other position, not because I thought I would get this one, but because my nursing boss was willing to take me back whenever I wanted to. I decided at that moment, I wanted to come back now. The following week, I got an email that I was 1 of the 2 people selected to come back to do a second interview with the team members I would be working with if I got the job. I liked these guys. "Sober for 30 years, been in the field for 26...." AA guys, health realization guys. They were a little sarcastic which is more than a perfect fit for me. They asked me if I liked public speaking and I told them about the TEDx talk. One of them flipped out "OH I LOVE THOSE THINGS...." I explained what I talked about. We did some bs-ing about the state of treatment, the challenges of outpatient treatment. It was a very unforced, fluid conversation. One my way out, they told me "you will hear from us next week."

Well, next week came and went. It was a holiday week so I was keeping that in mind. I checked with my references and no one had contacted them. Feeling discouraged, I started applying around again and looking back into school. I was contacted for two more potential interviews. I wasn't really feeling it with either of them. I suspect in one position I would burn out in 6 months to a year and the other position was considering me for a director's position of a detox center. While I was honored to be considered for that, I am not, in any way, prepared for a position like that. I haven't supervised people in that capacity before. I have never managed anything quite that big. I wrote that person back with the plus and minuses of considering me (great education, nursing background, masters degree -- no experience at that level, would require mentoring and direction....). I didn't hear back again. 

So, on Wednesday, I just needed to know whether the WI position was still in the running before I made my next move. I found the email address for the HR contact I had. I sent the email out at 7:57pm. At 8:00pm, I had a call from a WI area code on my cell. I didn't recognized the number so I didn't pick up. It was the HR contact arranging a time to talk at 8:00am Thursday morning "to talk". I figured that couldn't be bad thing right?

So, at 8:15am, I was offered what I think is the dream job I was hoping for. I accepted on the spot. There would be no "thinking" about it for me. I could hardly believe I got the first interview. I was SHOCKED when I got the second interview and nearly passed out when I was notified that I got the job. We negotiated my start date which will be on January 5th, 2015. I will be starting off the new year with a brand new job. A few months into 2015, I will be relocating to be closer to the job. I love where I live now and the commute isn't "that bad" in terms of distance; however. I have been really spoiled by close commutes. The job is 17 miles from the MN border. I am looking to my housing options at this point. I could stay in MN or move into WI. Depending on what the housing situation looks like when my lease is up, I will have to defer that decision for now. 

I am really hoping that this position starts off some new and positive changes for me. I had been wondering if a change would be something good for me. If I were to stay at the U and continue to live where I am, would I just remain complacent and not strive for anything more? You know, the bills are taken care of, I know the job, I have great friends there. But, I know myself well enough that the restlessness would start to eat at me if I didn't get back into the field I spent the last two years studying about. 

So, I guess this is my super long way of announcing that I got a new job. A job that I am very excited about!

Lot of love,

J

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