The Power of "We"

Part of my requirements for my job is to be observed facilitating a group from time to time. I was so nervous when I had arranged a date to be watched this last week. I feel like I am pretty good at group facilitation but, of course, when any one is watching, it feels weird. And a lot of it goes back to being so new in the field that I just don't have my confidence yet. All in all, I got a really good response from my supervisor. I was given a few little things to think about more than things that really needed to change. I was very energized by that and am I relieved it is all over now. 

As I was being observed, I became pretty hyper aware of the words I was using, the way I responded to things and how I ran the group. From the first group that I ran, I have always talk with "we". "When 'we' are working to make change....." "When 'we' start looking into 'our' past....." Inherently, there is nothing wrong with this approach. It pretty much rats out my recovery status to my clients which is something that I never hide anyway. However, I want to be careful to not solely rely on my recovery status as a way to gain credibility with my clients. I need them to respect my clinical ability, not my personal ability to stay sober. I don't expect my mental health therapist to be depressed and anxious in order to treat me. I expect her to have stuff for me to learn. So, as addictions counseling is part of behavioral health, I don't want my recovery status to be all that I have to offer to clients. That being said, I like using "we" in my approach and I will attempt to explain why.

When I was at church last night, I was listening to the pastor and he also talked in the "we". It started getting me thinking about the power of "we". Back in college, a friend of mine wrote something that was helping us, her friends, understand her eating disorder. I read it and I just remember "You feel like.... then you want to...." My roommate at the time was kind of annoyed by the use of "you". From that day on, I was much more deliberate about making sure that when I was talking about my feelings, I was using "I" statements. She was right. "I" feel this way. Using "you" to explain my actions is really just an attempt to deflect responsibility and an attempt to convince someone else of their reactions to a situation. When I am trying to explain addiction to people, I will slip into the "you" explaination. I try to remember to talk my experience in the "I'.

In the last couple of years, I find myself talking in the "we". Throughout various times of my life, I have had the epiphany of "I am not alone". Those are powerful moments. In 7th grade, I found out another classmate's mom was dying of cancer at the same time my family found out that my father was quite ill and likely not to recover from cancer. When I got back from studying abroad for a year in Austria at 17, another person reached out to me that had come back a few years before. We talked about how hard it was transition back to life in high school after that experience. In 2007, I had to go to an AA meeting as an assignment for nursing school. I listened to a story of a woman that could have been my own. Then, the first 10 minutes after getting into treatment, I realized that I was finally understood. These are all powerful moments when I realized when I am not alone. In almost all of the above situations, I was very lonely and confused. The world seems like a heavy place but suddenly seems a little more manageable when one realizes they are not alone.

Part of recovery for me is to be reliant on the "we" of recovery. This is very much an AA concept. The 12 steps are written in the "we". "We came to believe that...." "We are powerless...." This disease is a powerful disease. If we join together, we are more powerful. Also, we identify with each other and create a fellowship. "We" keep each other sober. "We" offer each other the support to continue to be successful. I tried for years and year to control things on my own. It wasn't until I was willing to surrender that control that I was finally able to set free from the need to drink. When I attend AA meetings, I feel the power of "we". Everyone in that rooms knows me on a level that would take me years to explain to others. I will always take something from someone else a meeting that supports my recovery. My Higher Power is the other part of my recovery "we". I asked and lean on my Higher Power and in return I am restored to some level of sanity. I have a lots of "we" in my recovery.

I was teaching in group about some of the things that I hear when people are back in treatment after some time of sobriety. I hear: stopped going to meetings, stopped talking to people in recovery, didn't reach out for help when things didn't go well, got complacent. The one thing all of these reasons have in common, we (because this includes me for sure) stopped relying on the "we" of recovery. I had several relapses after my first treatment. I refused to get outside of my own head. I did not want to rely on anyone else. I wanted to be strong on my own. I didn't want to have to bother someone else. I didn't want to ask for help. Addiction is one of the most isolating, selfish and self-loathing diseases out there. What is the opposite of that? Pretty much everything I ask people to do to get into recovery. Get new friends who are supportive of your recovery, find people who are recovery and get a mentor or sponsor -- stand on the shoulders of those who came before us, talk to a therapist to learn new ways of thinking, don't isolate, find new activities, keep busy and plan a strategy to avoid relapse (which almost always includes who are going to call when things aren't going well).

The addicted brain really loves the opportunity to get us alone. Addiction is the only disease that really tries to convince us that we don't have a disease or any sort of problem. Denial is hallmark of this disease process. Addiction will pop up at really opportunistic times. If I am really stressed and haven't been able to get to a meeting or have down time.... addiction will start bring up times when life was pretty fun when it was around. If I am feeling a little depressed.... addiction will remind me how good it handled depression back in the beginning. However, when I have the "we" behind me which is friends, family, AA, and my Higher Power, addiction just doesn't have a chance.  

I watched another group do this activity. Two people stand up front. One is a person in recovery and one is the voice of addiction. The person who is addiction will make a statement like "Remember how good it was? One won't hurt....." Then the person in recovery will say something they are going to do when that thought arises. Another person will go up to the front to represent that intervention. That person stands between the addiction and person in recovery. After 4-5 intervention, addiction is way down at one end and the other person at the other end. It's a great visual of the "we" factor. The more I can put in between that voice and me, the stronger I am. I was actually thinking about doing this next week. Maybe the whole experience at church over the weekend was God's way of saying..."Hey, go for it." 


So, I like using "we" in almost any setting. I believe in the power of "we". I know that I don't do this whole recovery thing on my own. There is no way that I would ever be strong enough to do so. I need the "we" in my life to combat loneliness, manage depression, take joy in life, find new activities, enhance connections with people. I certainly have to take actions to make this happened, however, it would be really difficult to keep it all going without the support of all those around me. Also, the people around me are my motivation to continue to fight the good fight. I encourage anyone out there, not those just in recovery from addiction, but everyone to take a look around and see how the power of "we" works in your life. If we all slow down for a minute and look, we have many blessings around us. We all have the "we" in our lives. So

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