The Next Right Thing

I am working in a community outpatient program these days. I have changed from working with men to women. In both cases, I had my own assumptions about both populations assuming that men would be harder to work with than women. I also assumed that I would be able to identify with the problems of women easier than those of men. Well, as always, one should never assume anything. 

When I worked with the guys, we talked a lot about integrity and "doing the next right thing". I held my group to a high standard. If you didn't want to be there, say it and then be quiet for those who do want to be here. If you want to be here, you are going to have to get honest and stand face to face with the issues that brought you to treatment. I expected and demanded of my group to be the example for the other men on the floor. I challenged them to do "the next right thing" for your recovery. If there is a fight, walk away. If you are insulted by another person, turn the other cheek and don't engage. If there is distress, reach out a hand of support. I was lucky, in a lot of way, I had men who tried and were willing to do just this on a daily basis. They were often excited to tell me how they did the next right thing and it was a life changer. I simply reminded them, I am not going to change your life, you are. 

When I changed my focus to women, I realized I couldn't challenge them to the "next right thing" in terms of integrity like the men. Mainly, because my women were always doing the next right thing.....for someone else. There is so much external focus on pleasing the outside world that my challenge would translate into additional burdens on an already spent soul. So, when one of my client's mentioned, "I just want to do the next right thing" I asked her what that meant to her. She replied it had to do with doing the next thing that would take her further down her road of recovery and re-establish her relationship with God. In essence, the next right thing for her was to take care of HERSELF and not the rest of the world around her. When we throw these words around in group, I try to keep that perspective in my mind - take care of self, not others. I have mothers, young mothers, abused women, women with little or no self-esteem. Then, I have the strong, street tough women who are literally afraid of NOTHING, because they have been to hell and seen the worse of the worse. There is no sense in working from an angle of "dying from overdose" or fear mongering as it were. In their minds, they have looked death in the face and it looks more appealing some days than continuing with this life. They are fighters and survivors. They have always been doing "the next right thing" to stay alive and intact. 

I went to church today and the sermon really touched on this concept of going into hell and helping. When I made my trip to Honduras, getting on the ground and touching the people was what I had been searching for as far as helping my fellow brothers and sisters. It made me realize all the hurt, pain, hunger, abuse, homelessness and sadness that are happening in my own backyard. I think of the beggars on the corners at almost every intersection I drive through on my way to and from work. I think of the homeless man sleeping in the park across the street from the treatment center. I see the men and women being pushed out of the underpasses of bridges by my freeway entrance. These are my people. These are the people I want to help. I want o help them break the cycle of addiction, incarceration, abuse, homelessness and violence. There is a local church that has people going out on cold nights and getting the homeless into their shelters for the night. There is a church by the treatment center that feeds the homeless every night at 5pm. In order to feel like I am doing the next right thing, I feel this inner desire and passion to be on the ground, working in the trenches to lift others to their full potential. 

MAM and I went out to lunch today and during our conversation she mentioned her trip through Tennessee with a church on just about every corner. She asked "If there are this many churches, why are there still homeless people?" Oh, such a true statement. If every church were doing what St. Stephen's is doing, homelessness would be substantially reduced. Right? Why is this a problem that is turned away from? In my own personal opinion, people who are homeless are seen as less. They are "junkies", "vagabonds", "losers", "moochers". They are scary and dirty. They are dangerous and unpredictable. In fact, most of the time, they are rarely regarded as people. Very few people see the homeless for what they really are - people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol, people who are severely undertreated for mental health conditions, people who were never given the opportunity to break the cycle of poverty, people who are simply people with bigger problem than our own. 

Many of the women and men I have worked with over the past 6 months have come from the streets. What I see from these individuals are people fighting on a daily basis for their lives. In the winter months this year, we were busting at the seams with the amount of people seeking treatment, many of them because it was a warm place to stay. That was fine with me because those individuals stayed sober at a higher rate than some of those who had a home to go to. Instead of whining about having to get up at 6:30am for breakfast, they were just happy for breakfast. The whole treatment aspect was just a bonus. We were able to establish other services that allowed them to continue to their sober journey off of the streets and get some education/job training. When they complete the year long program, they will be able to work, be sober and find a place to live. When I work with these clients, I often think of a quote from Fight Club, "It is not until we have lost everything, we are free to do anything." These clients are not bound by the opinion of others. They are not bound by the worry of losing more. Life can only move up from here if they choose to engage in recovery. They are bound by the hope of not going back to the streets. 

Since I have started working with the women, I have felt a higher level of satisfaction, career wise, than ever before. Don't ever get me wrong, transplant is pretty dang cool and I work for the center that takes the "rejected" patient from a nationally known facility because we would rather try and give them a chance at life than fully reject their only options for a life. So, in a way, I am glad to be working for that center. However, even at the best of nights, I still felt a lack of something. I believe I had anticipated as a nurse that I would be on the front line in helping other people. I believe I do that, but not to the degree that fulfills a higher calling. I said in a blog entry long ago, I really feel like there is something big for me in the field of addictions. It is starting now with this current job. When I stand on the stage, in front of the classroom or in the middle of my group, I feel like we are working together for the common goal of sobriety and reducing the stigma of addiction. My actions in those places are me. I stand before and with families and addicts and model the behavior of recovery. I have a relationship with my Higher Power as I understand Him. I am not afraid to talk about, nor do I really care what you think of it. I stand with my head high and say "Hi, my name is Julie and I am an alcoholic". 

The 12th step reads: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. So in my immediate world, doing the next right thing is this step. In the past 2-3 months, I have had what I would call a spiritual awakening. Something awoke in my spirit recently that tells me I have the ability and strength to carry my message of hope to others suffering from addiction. God gave me this gift of public speaking and this ability to write. I often wanted to be a writer or a speaker and thought "what would I write about?" Well, my biggest secret, my biggest failure (so I thought), my strongest anchor in not moving forward - addiction. Now my addiction is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I was able to strip myself of the shame. I was able to reach out on a whole new level to people. I have been able to be an ear to the readers of this blog. Many people over the past 2 years have reached out to me personally to talk about how addiction is currently affecting them or someone in their lives. I first set out to write a blog about getting sober. Well, ladies and gents, it has turned into my very own website and possibly the makings of something bigger than I could have imagined. 

The message from church today was to start small. When you see a need, meet that need if you are able. I have done that here and there over the years through my nursing and some volunteer activities. That is where is started for me and now that I have stumbled onto something where I can touch 10-80 lives a day? It's the best.

Peace Out
J

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