The Journey

Photo by Andreea Ch from Pexels

During the first semester of courses when I was going back for addictions counseling was a research course. I was pretty terrified about this course because, you know, math and things. I had an excellent instructor that broke down everything I really needed to do into smaller lessons. My the end of the semester, I only had to hit the "print" button and my project was done. The first part of the project was picking a topic. In my heart of hearts, I had hoped this project was an individual assignment because I had a specific area of interest I wanted to research. It was actually a group project. Even though I was the total newbie in the class (this was a 2nd semester class for a cohort group), I managed to convince them that my topic would be easy to conduct and experiment for and also to research. 

What I was interested in was the rise of social media and whether or not it helpful for hurtful to those in recovery. That was a little to abstract so we focus our projects on people's opinions regarding online meetings versus in person meetings. The results were pretty straight forward, those in recovery felt that in person meetings gave the best chance for sustained recovery and online meetings should only be used when traveling or no other option is available. I became aware very quickly that MN and WI have A LOT of meetings available. It might be easy for us to say in MN that an in-person meeting is always the best. We also have 100+ meetings going on every hour and about 1 mile from each other. I think some times we take that for granted. Anyway, the irony is watching everything go online and see how well a lot of people have adapted to meeting this way. 

I still remain curious about whether social media is helpful or hurtful. I see more arguing online in recovery groups about everything from politics to AA is horrible to treatment is just a money grab, etc. etc. I rarely get involved in those types of conversations because 90% of the time, it's just someone trolling to get a rise out of others. I find that annoying and also disrespectful. One reason I don't care for recovery and social media. On the flip side, however, I have connected with many people over the years by just posting the fact that I am sober. I also get a bulk of my traffic for this website from FB. So, no fear that I will be running away any time soon. In general, I feel that social media is part of my toolkit, whether it be a place to checkout for a while after a stressful day or to reach out to the few communities I trust on FB to talk about a bad day. 

Since 2014, I have spent a lot of time developing my relationship with technology and social media. What strikes me often is that most of the lives on Facebook and Instagram, etc., etc. are pretty fake. I post memes. I like to make people laugh. These posts make me laugh so I hope to share the joy. I filter the reality of my life on all my social media platforms with the exception of this blog where things are a bit more real. I was watching a documentary on Netflix about a murder in a suburban neighborhood in Colorado. It dawned on me how much the woman who was murder posted videos and pictures of this perfect life. As the story unfolded, the texts between friends and her husband were shown and things were not quite so rosy. I flashed back to the times when I was counseling in the jail. "Social Media is NOT REAL LIFE!!!" I used to get into some pretty interesting debates with my groups. The intrinsic desire to compare ourselves to others is well and alive scrolling through my 700+ friends. Sally just got engaged. Martha is pregnant. Joe bought a house. Melanie has the perfect children. Yeah, these are all the happy things that people like to post online. Most of us tend to shy away from things like screwing up at work. Having several bad days in a row. Talking about how stressful kids are. Talking about not wanting to get married even though everyone is exciting and loving your post. 

Over the years, I have developed this certain approach to social media. I know that algorithms are running constantly to "enhance my consumer experience" with focused advertising. I try to remind myself that I am the commodity here. My time and my clicks are worth millions to the right companies. So, I try to be selective in what I engage in while I am on social media. I have fallen away from most of the recovery oriented groups. I guess with 11,000+ addicts get together, the prospect of humility and comradery starts to regress. Again, trolls. I don't have time for it and I prefer in-person meetings anyway with people I will get a chance to meet and engage with in the long-term.    

As I was  scrolling through my feed tonight, I came across a few stories that were heartbreaking. A young lady who lost her life to cancer after a heroic battle. Another person posted the loss of grandparent while another one posted picture of her son for whom she will grieve forever after he was gone. I appreciated the somber messaging here for some reason tonight. We are all on a journey of some sort. We have all experienced losses and gains in life. Some part of the journey are hard and I have an extra appreciation for people who are willing to share that publicly. I find people are quick to like/love pictures of the kids and at the same time thing for 10 minutes about what emoji is appropriate for someone talking about struggles with a physical or mental illness. 

I am not exactly sure what the point of this entry is tonight. "The Journey" kept coming to my mind. We are all on one and very few will know all the details of it. Social media is one of those things that has divided us so terribly and in some cases, I have been made aware of journeys where I can be of support. Living in the gray has never been a strong suit of mine, yet here I am again, needing to see that not all things are black and white. Remaining flexible can ease the journey and releasing expectations of outcomes can calm the winds. It's not the easiest thing though. I can speak first hand about that. In that first year of recovery, I kept saying "If I could just see that in 5 years I was still sober and happy, then all of this would be so much easier." I could keep wishing for something I can't have or try my best to make the current moment productive/happy/satisfying, etc. 

Thank you all for the support from my last blog. I am taking a little time off for myself before I get back into the working world. I am getting settled into this quarter quite well. I am looking forward to cooler weather and the end of 2020 :)

Julie