Social Media & Sobriety

I have been watching a series of blogs regarding others who are struggling with addiction issues. Recently, it seems a lot of people have been questioning whether or not social media (FB, Twitter, etc) helps or hurts a person's chances of recovery. It's an interesting discussion and I have seen both sides well argued.

I joined facebook in 2007, basically to get away from watching my ex-husband on Myspace trying to whoo his girlfriend he had at the end of our marriage. I founds lots of old friends from high school, college, even grade school. It was fun to see where everyone had landed, what they were doing and where they were living. Facebook was the best thing for me when I was drinking. I could sit and act like I had a life out there! I had friends, see 500 of them! I wasn't isolating. I was doing friendship from home. Who needs to go out when you can just correspond over FB?

I was forced to unplug from everything in my first round of treatment. No cell phone, no texting, no computers, no nothing. I had to admit for a while I was really relieved. I didn't have to talk to anyone about where I was. I had a phone to make calls as long as I didn't mind 35 other women in the room enjoying the phone call with me. I got back into reading at this time. I think that was something really important I was missing in my life. I hadn't read a book in 5 years because I was too drunk to remember what I had read. Oh the memories.

So, when I got out and returned to my life in the computer, I have to admit, I had a really hard time. I saw others who were out drinking, or out dancing, picnics with beers, statuses with how rockin' last night was by the strength of the hangover today.....I felt like it was just more in my face than it would have been had I not been a part of facebook at all. It did help me identify a major resentment though - I don't like that I can't drink anymore! Keep in mind, however, that  I run into this stuff when I am out with my friends too. I had the friend who just can't have an Indian meal without a beer. I have been to parties where people were wildly out of control drunk. Everything I do is going to have a possible trigger associated with it. Either way, I can turn off the computer or I can leave my situation. Again, it's about choices.

In the past 6 months or so, I believe that social media has been really helpful to me. I have a twitter account. I have very few people that I actually "know" on there. The people who I choose to follow on twitter are people who have something to do with recovery. It is through twitter that I am learning about all the different ways to become sober. Different programs, different methods, other people's plans and successes. I also like the ability to tweet a short message and get an instant reply of those who are in recovery. It's kinda like a non-stop AA meeting, if you will.

Some of the folks that I have on my FB are people whom I have been in aftercare with or were in treatment with or folks I have met at AA meetings. I enjoy having them as a part of my daily life. I feel that I always have a connection with someone in sobriety whether I am out with friends, FBing with friends or tweeting. I even belong to closed groups on FB that deal strictly with recovery. All in all, I am finding additional ways to have support 24/7. Always important when you work nights....

I certainly understand how people are really annoyed with social media and becoming sober. I think the addict mind loves to come into play. I can scroll through 30 funny pictures of animals but the one thing I will remember is that picture someone took of their beer at a local bar I used to frequent. Ugh. I also let myself get upset when I see someone that I used to hangout with still "having fun" going out and getting hammered. I still get butterflies in my stomach when I see certain people, places or things online that represent still very large triggers for me - even almost 2 years out from my last drink.

All in all, I have to say that despite these experiences, I do feel like social media has enhanced my sobriety. I have this blog to get my message out there. I have been able to communicate and reach out to people to whom I would not have been able to reach otherwise. I have my tweeters who follow my daily or weekly struggles. I have my friends who provide me feedback and comfort. Also, I like having the ability to occupy my time with family and friends. I like looking at other people's pictures. I like to see what people are up to. And, while I do come across the occasional trigger-type stuff, my positive experiences well outweigh the emotional bumps I get now and again.

I do recommend that people be somewhat careful with social media in early recovery. I did struggle in the beginning. Any excuse was an excuse to drink in the beginning. Seeing a Miller Lite ad on TV was a reason to drink. Seeing others drink or seeing pictures of people out at the places I used to frequent, that was right up there for reason's to drink. I did have to make some choices about who I was really going to connect with out there in the cyber world. Honestly, if you are one of my friends that posts 50% or more of the time about alcohol, you are probably not in my feed anymore. Sorry guys, but sobriety is number one. Interestingly, I did lose some friends after I started writing this blog. I suspect it had something to do with me being sober now. Oh well, their loss I guess. It is important, too, that if you are getting rid of people from your life, say your drug dealer, best not to be friends on FB. Cutting ties with people means social media too! Don't leave the door open, it's just too tempting.

One last component of social media and sobriety, one has to be really mindful of how they feel. Right out of treatment, I was so raw and hurting all the time, I blew FB way out of proportion. If I sent a request and people didn't respond right away, I took it personally. Also, when people deleted me, I was acting like an 8th grader and experienced almost devastation about that action. Now, I don't care so much. People are gonna do what people are gonna do. You don't like me? Better we are not friends then, whatever. Having liable emotions and low self-esteem were some hurdles in early recovery for me. I had to be careful about what I exposed myself to. I needed to really build my sober community, in person, at meetings. Having done this and gained several FB friends through people I have met in person at meetings, I believe now it is something to increase my success as a sober person.

To all my recovery peeps:  Recovery meetings online are great if there is no other way. I don't recommend them, however, as a sole source of meetings. Getting to meetings in the flesh are always better. For those of you who have questions about what topics are covered in AA or how meetings go, try an online meeting. It might be something to ease the stress of going to a meeting in person.

XOXOX

Julie

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