Sober Dating: The End

For those of you who are joining me for the first time, I wrote a series of blog entries on my old site about my experiences with sober dating. In a moment of stupidity, I deleted them based on the experience I am about to tell you about. In summary of Sober Dating 1-4, I went through a series of experiences in which I was trying to decide what I was willing to do about my dates drinking and their personalities. I wrote about some of the potential bachelors with some details and what I thought about those details.  I had a series of bad dates, as most people will end up having. The final date on this journey was terribly interesting. One of my favorite things about being sober is seeing the world through clear eyes. 

So, the final bachelor and I had a series of conversations via email and text. I got some rather interesting questions over email before he agreed to me. I was kinda wondering what provoked his questions, so I gave a rather stern answer to "Do you think telling the truth is important..." or something along those lines. It's a totally loaded questions. What do you think I am going to say..."Lying is the best!! I hate telling the truth, trust is not important at all!" So I jump and wanted to know what he motives were for asking such a question - either he didn't trust me or he just assumes I am the same as all other women he has dealt with that lie. Either way, I am in pissed off by it. He tells me it was just a general question when he wrote back. He didn't mean to make anything of it. I just mentioned I didn't like to get into big philosophical debates about anything until I actually meet someone to see if it's worth having the conversation.

First date went well. Second date was fun. As per the general pattern of this dating round, the third goes down the drain. He FINALLY admits after a few comments here and there that were kinda snarky that he had been reading my blog in which he was mentioned but not by name. He had texted me for one of the first times while I was on a date with another person and I think I told him I was at school. I didn't feel comfortable saying I was on a date, so I fibbed. He saw my entry that night. So, he spend some time telling me about how I am liar. Additionally, my thoughts about him (which I still stand by my perceptions of our conversations at the time) almost didn't get me a date. According to him, I should be lucky that he is even talking to me. At that moment, when he was telling me all of this, I almost bought into all of it. In a minute, I will get to why I didn't.

We watched a few movies and I found his general demeanor to be kind of aggressive. He kept asking me questions, in an effort I think, to trip me up to confirm in his mind that I was lying to him. I have to admit, my felt sick to my stomach when I was being called out, but at least I took responsibility. I told him I was sorry that what I said hurt his feelings. I was just talking about my thoughts and perceptions. I also told him that I didn't feel comfortable at the time telling him I was on another date when he texted me. I felt about the size of pea. I also mentioned that I was surprised when I learned more about him and my perceptions were incorrect.

Immediately, the next morning, I sent a text stating that I felt I had done too much damage to any potential relationship and I would not like to see him anymore. Thanks and good luck. I talked to my girlfriends about what happened and they agreed it was better that I cut things off. I came home that night and started to get really angry about being called out, etc. etc. I decided to check my phone to see if there was any response from him. Nothing. Nope. Not a thing. That is what got me thinking about everything related to this situation in other terms. 

First, I think he had something to prove to me. He was constantly fishing for things but never told me, "Hey I read your blog, I am not what you think I am...." Instead, he was playing games around it seeing if I would figure it out. "I am an IT guy, you know, you can't hide anything from me." Well, guys, if you know my email address or are my FB friend, you can find my blog pretty easily. Anyway, I don't think he was actually interested in dating me for the long term since reading my blog but felt a need to defend himself against what I had said. (For those of you who missed those entries, I accuse him of needing to be taking care of potentially because of family issues and his own medical issues. In our conversations it sounded like he was addicted to pain medications.....all of which were untrue, but those were my perceptions at the time). He got his chance to prove to me that he was different than that. Good for you, I am glad you got the opportunity.

Now, he frequently questioned my truthfulness. I owned up to what I did lie about. He did not. So, I practiced my 12 step life to the best of my ability by admitting I was wrong and attempted to make an amend to him. He used it as a piece of power to change the dynamic of the relationship and I felt that the minute he finally said he read the blog. I should consider myself lucky that he went out with me was his general message after that. I knew in my gut that I would have to spend any time going forward proving to him that I was trustworthy. The one place I am 100% truthful is this blog. Hell, the guy knew what I was thinking about him verbatim before we met! Actually,I wish I some beforehand knowledge from time to time! Other than that, I did not lie to him. But there was no convincing him after that. I deleted those blog entries out of guilt. I wish I hadn't but so goes life. We make decisions.

Lastly, I have learned that maybe I am not ready for dating like I thought I was. Or, at least, online dating. I often saw men saying "I don't want drama, I want someone how doesn't do this or that or the other thing....etc". Then I was reading an article telling me that online dating is probably a bad idea since people don't know what the hell they want - probably me included. People get to be so unrealistic. There is no person out there that is 100% truthful. People tell white lies. People exaggerate. There is no such thing as a drama free relationship. 

Also, I learned from all of this is that I stayed truer to myself than I ever have. I put my foot down when I couldn't tolerate behavior or personality issues. I am proud of myself for that. I am also pretty proud of myself that I didn't let this last bachelor keep me down for very long. I had pretty serious guilt for about 24 hours. I prayed to God for forgiveness and the ability to forgive myself. He threw in the added insight that maybe, just maybe, I was not the only person at fault here. So, needless to say, I am out of the dating world. I think the message is pretty clear to me that I am not ready right now for dating. Whatever will happen will happen. If it was meant to be, it will be. 

There are two reasons for moving my blog at this point. The scenario above gave me the final push to do something that I have been wanting to do for a while now. Get my own site! There is a link above for my FB site. I will get my Twitter link up there shortly. So, thank you for visiting my site. Please bookmark me! Follow me on FB and/or Twitter  to find out about new blog updates. 

Peace out, yo!