Searching

November 2014 is going to go down as one of the weirder months in my recovery. Even 6 months ago, if you would have told me that I would be where I am at, I don't think I would have believed you. 

My three introductory positions as a paid LADC have been very rough. I am still trying to find my groove in the industry and am learning very valuable pieces of information to ask about positions in the field. 

This month, I opted to leave a position, very abruptly in my probationary period because of the issues within company. Nothing specific I would like to talk about here, however, it was a tough situation that was shrouded in a lot of negativity and certainly would have been a challenging place to experience any growth. I think what bothered me the most is "playing both sides of the fence". Some might consider it a blessing, I consider it one of my character defects. Without any significant effort, I can play both sides of nearly every issue. As a manager, if you are upset at your other employees, I will play into that. As the other employees, you are mad at the management, I will play into that. I do it mainly to keep myself out of trouble and placate everyone. What tends to drive me crazy is that it reactivates my "people pleasing" side of my personality. I feel like I end up selling out just to keep everyone happy. People feel open to disclose everything on their mind and maybe they wouldn't feel so inclined if they knew exactly what I believed in my own mind. It's a blessing at times to be able to see the value in both sides, but in the workplace, it is more a curse since both side think I am on their side when, in reality, I am not one either side completely. Sadly, no one knows what I think and generates a lot of internal conflict. 

So, this summer, I wrote my nice long blog about placing my notice with transplant center. After all of that, I didn't end up leaving. I negotiated a better deal for myself and spent the last several months working on a project from home. It truly was the best outcome I could have hoped for with regards to working there. Well, ultimately, I left my last two jobs and feel a bit lost in the job search for LADC positions. I asked if I could return to the transplant center for a while until I figure out what it is I want/need to do. I was earnestly welcomed back and started again 3/4 time. How truly truly blessed I am to have had this opportunity. I am not in a financial position to be without work for any extended period of time. With that said, I have taken the first opportunity I get and that isn't working out so well. Returning back offers me the unique ability to conduct my job search and be more selective about the environments I would like to work in. Money is no longer the motivator - the right position is. The deep sense of calmness I know feel about this situation is so amazing and motivating. Instead of a state of panic, I am in a more reasonable mind to move forward with the job search.

The TEDx event was so incredible and just got my juices flowing about what I want to do as an LADC. I just haven't quite found the path there yet. Once I get settled in here, I would like to make that a top priority for myself. I want to educate, to advocate and be on the public speaking circuit, I have some pretty great leads and working 3/4 time offers me a little more flexibility to pursue some of that information and see what it takes to get to where I want to be.

I have had a couple of interview in my neighboring state of Wisconsin. While I am not wildly interested in relocating, it is something that I have to consider. I think Minneapolis/St. Paul might be one of the few areas that actually has more LADCs than jobs. If I were to expand my search nationally, I think I would be picked up in a heartbeat. There are several programs in this area that graduate LADCs. Masters or no Masters, I am still a beginning counselor and my educational background has little to do with making me a better candidate for the job at this point. I believe what would make me more attractive would be more experience. With that said, I am wanting to be more particular about where that experience comes from. Anyway, Wisconsin has been kind thus far with two interviews with jobs I would love to have. One with a transplant center as an LADC and one as a dual outpatient counselor and community educator. I have a 2nd interview on Thursday with the community educator position. I am pretty excited to see how that goes. It would offer me the chance to continue to live in MN and work in WI. I would be a border-hopper :) 

I feel tremendous gratitude to be where I am at right now. It sounds like the invitation is open for me to stay as long as I need to. They know that I am searching for another position and are happy to have me as long as I want to stay. I am so happy to go back to something that I know very well and can do without taking the baggage home at night. I have the time and energy to put into the future of my LADC-self as it were. It fun to see old friends again too. Same drama is there as when I left. How does that saying go? The devil you know is better than the devil you don't? Yeah, that is how it's been every time I return.  I am just so lucky to have something to keep the panic 

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