Pros and Cons

I can feel a burden starting to be lifted with all of this career stuff. It has been a stressful six months of getting serious about making some change. I think I had a telling moment last week when I was offered the opportunity to design my “dream position” as we are looking to restructure our department. Sadly, I did not want to do any of it. None of the groups jumped out at me, none of the other assignments jumped out at me and it was clear that the position I am now will not be broken up for any circumstances. Today is the day when we will find out what our new responsibilities are going to be. I don’t think my job will change all that much right now. I have been trying to wait to make any decisions until I know what I am going to be offered. As I am going through this process, I am flooded with pros and cons thoughts about this whole ordeal. I thought my blog might be a good place to actually get them down on paper instead of rattling around my head.

PROS – Staying at my job/position/career in SUDs counseling

• I have super amazing co-workers
• My pay and benefits are amazing
• I am good at what I do
• I have an advanced degree in the field
• Potential to make more connections over the coming years to expand my opportunities
• I work in a unique environment where there are a lot of options available (prevention, jail work, treatment court, emergency services, outpatient counseling and group, etc.)
• I know this place – starting over might mean a place I don’t like
• I have seen some successes in the past 5 years that can make it all feel worth it
• There are a lot of big changes coming down the pike – could mean more opportunities/more support
• I have been here for 5 years which is the longest place I have ever worked at – that has to mean something right?
• There may be opportunities for a promotion
  
  

CONS – Staying at my job/position/career in SUDs counseling

• I am not happy in this field
• I am super burned out and it’s effecting multiple areas in my life
• I stressed out so much so it’s triggering a great deal of anxiety/depression
• My health has been declining all of which is pointing to chronic stress
• I have a hard time with the level of acuity I see and the lack of resources
• I don’t feel inspired when I go into work. I don’t feel motivation to get out of bed in the morning
• The demands of this position are higher than I can keep up with. I am working up to 6 days a week trying to keep up with documentation
• I attempted to reach out for help and have been very clear with management that I am having struggles to keep up. The response was that I cannot change anything right now and I need to engage in more self-care. This is not a self-care issue. This is a lack of enough hours to get everything done.
• There are many big changes coming pike – while it could be positive, it could also be a con as there could be changes that are not positive – many unknowns right now
• A few situations that have transpired in the last few months have left me feeling that if there is a scapegoat for a situation, I would easily be tossed under the bus to save face. I often don’t feel supported when I am dealing with high intensity situations. When these situations come up, this is when I start to hear “you are not taking care of yourself” or “you are not looking at the client from a strengths based standpoint” or “maybe you are making your own trauma.” This last bullet point is reason I started to look at seriously leaving the field. I have struggled with whether this is a position or field issue. I have found it to be more of a field issue. I find it hard to not feel passionate or driven to do the best for my clients. I have a hard time accepting “there is nothing we can do” and being OK with that. I have tried to be more realistic about my place in all of this and I have found things to get worse for me.
• I feel triggered in this position. I feel like my recovery is threatened right now. I have a strong program and have 9 years of sobriety. And, in the past 3 months, I have had more using dreams than I did in my early recovery. Those dreams are distressing to me because it means drinking is on my mind and my addiction brain is wide awake seeking a moment of opportunity.
  
  

PROS – Leaving my job/Leaving this career

• I can go back to nursing which I dearly miss
• I can look at going back to school and completing my nursing degree
• I can still be connected to the field with just about any nursing job I get. Addiction is everywhere
• I would hope to have a significant reduction in stress
• I could return to working evening/night position – not a morning person no matter how much I try
• I have other opportunities already available to me and I feel passionate about them
• I believe that my mental health symptoms would improve dramatically along with my health.
• I have better earning potential in other fields such as nursing. I believe that an RN would be able to help open doors to area of compliance which I would like to pursue.
• Financially I make more money in nursing and could work less hours over all leaving more personal time.
• More flexible scheduling
• I feel like my self-worth and self-esteem would return. I trust myself in the nursing realm, not in the SUDs world.
• Able to find a position that is much closer to home – current commute 40 minutes
  
  

CONS – Leaving my job/Leaving this career

• I may experience feeling like a failure that I couldn’t hack it in this field
• I may not come across another position like this in the future
• I will have to start all over at a new place
• Loss of benefits which are very good
• Probably would be looking at working every other weekend and every other holiday.
• I feel bad about leaving my co-workers behind and feeling like I am not loyal enough to them.
  
  

As you can see, the pros of leaving and the cons of staying are way outweighing the opposite. It becomes clear quickly that leaving makes the most sense. I fear losing my benefits and co-workers. I suppose my pay as well. While those things are very important, so are my mental health, physical health and happiness. I can’t justify doing something for the money/benefits as the sacrifice of everything else. I have been in this position before of taking a pay cut. I have always managed a way to figure that piece out. Again, I have alternative income sources through on call work and teaching in the spring semester. I am fortunate in having those opportunities. Financially, I am not super concerns to be quite frank. I even have the benefits piece figured out depending on full-time or part-time work.

So, this is where I am today. I am still seeking out my options. Next Monday is my entrance test for nursing school. So far the practice tests have gone well. After that, I will be able to sit down and look at transfer credits and the plan if I choose that route. I have a few applications out to test the waters back in the medical field. One response was “uhhh….thanks for applying…..you can come in for an interview….you are qualified…..actually over qualified…..I think you would be bored.” I did decline this interview because I think that she is right. I am taking some action which seems to relieve some of the heaviness of this situation. I haven’t felt in control of much recently. I feel like I am taking some of that power back by being more aggressive in my off time seeking out other possibilities.

In terms of my recovery, I am remaining strong and smart about that. I see my therapist regularly to process my decisions and learn more ways to cope with the stressful nature of my job. I have friends that I am seeking support from as well along with my amazing family who will support me in whatever direction I am going. Drinking is not the answer to any of this. Of all the unknowns in things right now, that is one “known” thing I got for sure. Relapse is not an option. As far as the dreams are concerned, I will continue to monitor these. I believe that dreams do tell a person something. In one of these dreams, I was excited to call into work to say that I had relapsed because in MN at least I lose my license for 2 years if my substance use disorder is active. In WI, I don’t think that is the case. However, I called in “drunk” to work and was excited to explain that I wasn’t coming back for a while. Yeah, that is an option I suppose – drink and not be able to work. There are many more constructive ways to move through this process. What I took from that dream is that I am at my maximum stress level right now. If that is even remotely a thought, it’s time to go.

I appreciate all the supportive messages I get from my amazing readers. I thank you for reading and participating in this journey with me. If you look at the 12 steps of AA – “We” is always used. Because “we” are not alone. “We” believe in recovery. “We” believe in supporting each other in good time and in bad. “We” includes people both in and out of the program. You all serve a purpose in my life and for that I am grateful! Thanks for being part of my “we”.

​Julie