Look At It Differently

I probably tell my clients about 1,000 times during every group that the success through difficult situations and life, for that matter, is looking at the whole thing from a different perspective. Our addict minds love us to be in the position of a pity-party. Our addict minds are ALWAYS looking for a reason to pick up again. So, I remind people that the best way to not give your addict mind a reason to pick up; give it all the reasons why picking up would just make the whole thing worse. 

Having been in this phase of emotional relapse for the past two months or so, I haven't been following my own counseling advice. It's probably good to be experiencing this at the moment, I think it is bring me back to remembering how hard it really is to do "this very simple thing". When things are feeling down and out, it takes significant energy to start reframing the present world. It is MORE than worth it to put the energy in, it is just hard to get started and maintain. I don't understand why the mind likes to go to the worse default thoughts or catastrophize the a rather benign situation. I suppose there is a "fight or flight" response going on. "Let's focus on the worse case scenario to see if there is a need to fight or a need to get out of there." In the modern world, this default is not particularly helpful. If I am walking down the street at 1:00am, this response is helpful. Walking into the door at work? Not so much. 

I have been giving some very deep thought to the future. I have to admit that I am sort of unhappy in my new field. I have not lost the passion of doing something in this field, I am failing to find my happiness/place in this career. Much like nursing, I am bogged now in paperwork, not paid very well and feeling very much like a non-masters educated newbie. Most people obtain their masters in order to get a promotion or to be an expert in an area. That is far from where I am at the moment. I think it is frustrating me at my core. I had hoped  to be respected as a master's level clinician, instead I am entry level and my education plays little role. I realize that I need to get some experience in order to get to the place that I want to be. Just not happy to be where I am at right now. 

So, it begs the question, what are the options? I was kindly reminded by my horoscope this week that I need to take the time to start looking at my life situation and consider changing the way that I am looking at it. I absolutely agreed with that idea yet as I started to do this, I was amazed at the amount of energy is takes. At the moment, I think it is the level of committing to staying with the change I am willing to make. It's like starting any other life change. I need to change the approach and remind myself on a constant basis when I fall back into old thinking patterns that I made a commitment to changing my thoughts, feelings and approach. Outside of my recovery, I have had my struggles with many other life changes. Smoking, exercising, eating healthy, living balancedly.....yeah, nope.  None of those areas have really changed in the way that shows a commitment to long term change. I know the benefit and have even experienced the benefits, yet I am unable to sustain the change for the long-term. 

What I feel like I am committed to doing at the moment is to make change the trajectory of where things are going. That is good. However, it is not really providing me with any immediate relief from my dissatisfaction of the current situation. I am happy to be at least considering other options, but I do need to address something right now in this situation. Really the best thing I can do is to start looking at the positives of the situation and start changing the way that I am approaching this situation mentally. I am also thinking about getting more involved in career related support to see if others have been through something similar. 

Some of the concerns that I have with where I am is the fact that I have been in the emotional relapse phase. I do attribute this immensely to this career choice. I think I underestimated how much I would struggle in the pursuit of helping other overcome addition. While I can't change the past, I am will to learn from it. If others are interested in pursuing a career change to addiction counseling and you are in recovery, wait a minimum of five years. I jumped into school 2 weeks after my 2nd anniversary. Quite honestly, it was too soon. I am still working on my emotional coping and maturity. I put this journey of self revelation and growth on hold to train to help others with addiction. I think it is only possible in this field that you really have to really have to get your own crap together before you can possibly consider doing counseling in the field. Now, my own crap is coming back and coming up now that I am working in the field. It is really difficult and I am having a bit of buyer's remorse at this point.

Fortunately, I do have a plethora of options at this point. I haven't always had as many options as I do at this point. What I want to avoid is making knee-jerk decisions for immediate benefit at the detriment of the long-term benefits. When I am working through this internal conversation, I start to get tired. It is hard balancing the past, present and future in decisions. It is hard to think of "just pushing through" for a period of time. It is all part of the deal and I will get through it. I need to remember that, all told, I am very fortunate to have the experience I did while I was school and now post school. Not many people are given the opportunity I had. I think after writing this I see one immediate action I can do....I can be grateful. There are many things to be grateful. In the midst of a pity-party. it's pretty easy to forget all the good that is going on. So, I think I will start there. 

I will keep ya'll posted on the 

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