Life Moves On....

2019 has been this oddly chaotic year so far in ways that I was not expecting. In January, I fell in the parking lot at work while on my way to lunch and sustained a pretty decent concussion that left me out of work for a week. (I should probably start bringing my lunch to work.) In February, I took a shot in the dark and applied for a position that I was so sure that I wasn't going to get. Ultimately I got the interview and it started me down a path of thinking that I needed to leave my current job. In March, I developed an skin infection on my chest that has been a fight to get under control - several rounds of hardcore antibiotics that lead to GI issues, of course. While fighting this infection, I interviewed at a total of 9 different facilities and had offers from 7. The position I really wanted an offer from, I did not get which was OK. By the time I found out I didn't get it, I had declined all of the other offers and decided to stay. In April, I am continuing to get this infection healed, spending time with my family and settling into some new assignments at work. 

When I interviewed back in 2014 for my current position, the administrator told me as he was walking me back to the interview room "if you don't like change, this is not the place to work." He was very correct about the level of change in my position. I have been a part of 5 different positions in the 4.5 years I have been here. I have worked with so many different types of people that I could not have anticipated when I first started. I have watched the laws change in WI governing our practice. I have seen coworkers come and go. I almost made the ultimate change by leaving. When I was talking about my current position during interview,s it dawned on me how lucky I have been to have so many different opportunities within this one position. I need to have a lot of variety. None of the other positions I interview with other than 1 offered me anything close to what I have now. While it was negative emotions that got me to move to start interviewing, I am grateful for having done it because I learned a lot in the process. 

In my last entry, I made a comment about having tried to jam my personal life with work and hoping for something about my restlessness to do something bigger or better would change. I like having little breakthroughs when I am writing my blog; that is part of the reason that I like writing. I don't always have a huge intention when I sit down to write so I am equally as surprised by the total entry. I have been thinking about what my personal life needs to look like to make my happiness increase. Others in my life have encouraged me to just open myself up for anything and see what happens. At the rate that things change in my life, I should probably just give it a try and see what happens! I just don't particularly like giving up that level of control. What I have learned in my years of recovery, though, is that if my mind is too busy and too loud, I will miss what the universe is trying to tell me. It's like having a one sided conversation with God, talking the entire time and then getting mad when there is no response. I'm not listening.

I have been here before. There is a great AA saying I heard a lot in my early days in recovery. "I don't like change and I don't like the way things are." Well, as with most things in life, it comes back to me and what I am willing to do. I cannot think of any good reason why I wouldn't put myself out there and see what happens. I think if I were able to open up myself to something different, I might find something that I didn't know I was even looking for. The first part of the year has offered some unique opportunities and interactions that I was not seeking. I hadn't intended to look for a new job this year. It was a good experience. I lost my teaching job which sucked but it gave me my Mondays back to do some things that were fun for me. I took a chance on these diamond painting things as a craft project and I loved it!! Why not try new things? Why not take a chance? Why not open myself up for something different? Well, fear is a big thing; however, I am feeling less motivated by that these days. So, here is my message to the universe right now: "Whatcha got for me? I am ready for something different." And by different, not my job. I figured out that wasn't the right change. So, what will May bring?

I hope everyone is having a great weekend. We in MN survived another April blizzard. It was a little frustrating because it was 60 degrees 3 days previously. However, like this blog says, life moves on.

​Julie