In Preparation

***This blog is about my beliefs and spirituality and does engage in conversation about religion. Not everyone will agree with what I have to say.***

In a few days, I will be taking off to Honduras for a mission trip. I have been helping a non-profit with their website for the past few years. Since I have never been paid for helping, they offered me a scholarship to go on one of the mission trips they offer through their non-profit. I was ecstatic at the opportunity and have been preparing for this trip since September. This trip is sponsored through a local church and the work we will be doing will be done through a local Honduras sister church. 

I have been meeting with the travel group since October in order to bond with the group and also prepare for the trip ahead. We are a large group - 25 people total. I wouldn't want to be the leader of this group, only because it is going to be hard to watch over 25 people in a remote village in Honduras! 

I know that this experience will be a once in a lifetime opportunity. I have never been to a third world country before and I must admit that I am quite nervous about my reaction to being in such an impoverished area. I am an extremely sensitive person when it comes to certain things. The commercials with abused animals makes me not only tear up, they also give me nightmares about all the other bad things people could do to animals. I think of how the animals live in terror, etc. My heart is already racing when I am typing this description. Not to say that animals are less, but what happens when I see the horrible conditions people are living in and powerless to do anything about it. I have brought up several times in our orientation about my concerns of being able to deal with these feelings. Fortunately, it sounds like there is a lot of support around this and there are daily debriefing sessions in which to process these types of concerns.

Throughout these orientation sessions, it is very easy for me to see that ideologically I am not on the same page with the church about religious and political views. I tend to be on a much more liberal side of things. I have not said anything to this effect and I try to be very respectful since the church and I are clearly on the same page when it comes to helping others in need. Between this and my internship placement which is in a faith-based facility, I am really in a position of looking at my faith, religion and spirituality. When people ask me what religion I am, I usually state that " I grew up Catholic. I consider myself more spiritual than religious." As I am working in my internship and going through the orientation with this church, however, I am finding that many of my values and beliefs are still heavily based in the Catholic traditions. I believe in God, in mainly the traditional sense of most western religions. I speak with my God and ask for guidance for myself and grace for those in need. I do not believe that my God is vengeful or angry. I view my God as a leader and healer. I believe my God wants me to be humble and giving. My God wants me to help the poor and needy and be eternally grateful for the blessings in my life.  I do not celebrate in a standard church setting but I pray most days. I read the Bible and believe it to provide guidance and suggestions for healthy and happy living. I do not take each word of the Bible literally. I will not use passages from the Bible to discount or discredit anyone else or their religious beliefs.  I believe that penance is needed for absolution of sins. My 4th and 5th steps of recovery were just about as close as I have come to a confessional since the 6th
grade. But I believe the process to be the same. I sit before another person and God and talk about what has happened in my life - both good and bad. I continue to evaluate my life and undo the wrong where I can.  

Since this is a mission trip, I will be adhering to the religious beliefs of the church that is sponsoring the trip. At times I feel like I am lying since I do not believe in everything that is being said around me. I know there are some fundamental issues (more politically based than anything) that I do not agree with them on. I just hope when if those issues arise during this trip, I can keep my mouth shut and remember that others are allow to have their opinion no matter how much I disagree with them about it. I hope, in turn, they can respect the fact that I do not pray in the same manner. I celebrate my faith in a different way. I do not interpret the Bible in the same fashion but I seek the wisdom from the words with equal fervor. I don't know, for some reason, I feel some grumbling in my stomach about this. Maybe because it reminds me of when I was younger. My best friend growing up was part of the Baptist church. I used to go with her to all the kids activities and to the summer camps. I would hear them putting down other religions and in particular my Catholic upbringing. When I told others that I was Catholic, they would immediately try to "save me". I "needed to accept Jesus into my heart or I wouldn't be saved." I, personally, don't believe this to be true. I didn't then and I don't now. To me, it lacks humility to get in my face and tell me "to accept Jesus". If accepting Jesus helps a person on their spiritual journey, that is wonderful. I encourage that. I have found my faith and spirituality through other venues and I get a little testy when I am told I will be going to hell if I do not accept Jesus. My relationship with God is my personal relationship with God. I would ask to be respected for it. Whew, I can feel all these old childhood defensive feelings coming back. My Dad always told me "you are NOT to be converted. Period." I swear I still hear his voice after all these years still saying the same thing. Basically- be confident in your faith. I guess I am confident enough to want to defend myself against those telling me my path is wrong. 

Anyway. I think this year is going to be a deep spiritual journey for me as well. I know that I will be coming back from this trip with a whole new perspective on life and faith. I feel a deep need to help my fellow brothers and sister who are suffering. In the past few semesters, I have been meeting people who have literally lost everything, including a place to live. I have watched faith pull them back and the spirituality of the 12 steps keep them sober. I have felt God work in my own life. The farther I walked away from God, the more miserable my life became. I came back to God and every day from that day on has been better. I think this trip is going to be a time in which my beliefs will become easier to define. I will have a better sense of what my faith and religion mean to me. 

I know that religion and faith are hot-button topics. My intent is never to offend anyone. I do realize the power and passion faith can bring out of folks. I ask for your forgiveness if I have offended you. I also ask that you please respect my beliefs and faith as well.

Julie

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