How It Works

Most AA meetings that I attend start out the meeting with reading the from Chapter 5 of the AA book which is titled "How It Works". We read throughout about 2 pages of the chapter and we stop at the line which states "God could and would if He were sought". As I was driving home this afternoon, this saying popped into my head. Last week, I was having a major "ah-ha!" connection moment with my spirituality. I re-focused on that connection this week, and Boom, the universe/God/Higher Power stepped in and made an awesome week for me. 

I had a pretty frank conversation with God last week after church. That piece about inadequacy really got to me, it really hit a nerve. I asked God to remind me, again, why it is I chose this route. My mind was stuck in a place for a little while now about the reasons I didn't want to do this. Back when I was in residential treatment the first time, one of my group mates was so thrilled with treatment she declared that she was going to become a counselor. I remember thinking "Oh hell no, who would want to listen to us all day long?" I actually fought this route for several years. I really didn't think I wanted to become a counselor. Ever. Over the past month or so, I was sort of feeling this way again. Maybe I had gotten in over my head. Maybe I am just not ready to handle the level of emotion this position requires. Yep, I was pretty stuck.

As I was getting ready for work on Monday night, I already knew that this week was going to be a bit of a tough one. I had some odd 16 appointments scheduled in the 20 hours that I was in the building, the state certifiers were in the building for the program and I was behind on my paperwork. I sent a quick reminder to God that I kinda needed some support this week. And....I got it. My schedule got shifted around and I survived the million meetings. A few clients needed to reschedule which now allowed for my appointments to be spread out over the next couple of weeks. I was able to get caught up on all the paperwork. We survived the certifiers. On Thursday, I presented the jail which was the last work related thing I had to do this week. I had Friday off. I was thinking I should have just canceled group and took more time. Well, I was here, let's go in and see what happens.

I am really glad I didn't. If I needed something to rejuvenate my interest and love in this work, I got it that night. I watched some people work through some really hard things and get to where they needed to be with it. I watched the light bulb come on. Recovery was starting right in that moment. Here is one of the interesting things I have learned about being in this field. I cannot take credit for people's successes. Why? Because then I need to take credit for when things don't go well. When it all boils down, the clients are the ones making a decision about whether or not to change. I am there to be a guide of sorts; provide the information that they might be willing to work with to meet their goals. I push at times, I challenge at times, I provide encouragement. Sometimes, I watch things connect and it's super amazing. Other times, I know I did what I could I planted a seed. Even if people don't stay sober, they remember things I had to say. I remember the first counselor I ever met. I hated everything he said. Interesting, I remember......

So, the reason I had Friday off was to go and talk about my two careers with a bunch of teenagers. Seriously, I have presented in front of 600 people, I did a TEDx talk, I have presented in front of people who think addiction is the biggest load of crap out there and treatment sucks. I have never really been nervous. I am super excited to get up there and tell them what I know and where we are going. Teenagers? Umm...well.....eeek! I was really nervous!! I wasn't sure how I was going to be received. I figured I would wear something that showed the tattoos, wear my biker boots and bring candy. Apparently this was a good combo. 

I spoke about my time with transplant nursing. They had a lot of questions. I moved into substance abuse and I lost most of them at that point. That didn't really surprise me. However, I talked about my story. I talked about being addicted and what that did to me, my family and my life. I talked about what recovery gave to me and why I do what I do. I talked about what it is like to have to a monitoring program. A few of them asked me tough questions like did I take care of patients while I was intoxicated. Yup. How did I get over that? Talked about a process of self-forgiveness and a steadfast commitment to be a safe provider of services for the rest of my life. If I relapse ever, I am out of the field. Both of them. Immediately. That is my consequence to going back. 

There was a teen that came up to me and shared a bit of her story with me. We chatted for a few minutes and she went on her way. One of the instructors made a beeline for me after she saw me talking to her. She told me that this particular student sleeps through almost everything, rarely pays attention and has a lot of problems. She noticed that the minute I started talking about my story, she was 150% focused and she asked me probably 3 or 4 questions about various things. From the few minutes I talked with her, she has complex life at 15. I gave the instructors some ideas about ways to approach her that hopefully won't send her running for the hills. 

I asked at the beginning of the week for God to remind me why I do this. I am almost bursting tonight with energy to get out and do more. I think I touched a couple of lives today. I think I watched some recovery happen on Thursday. I got caught up and feel like I am above water again. God would and could if he were sought.

Peace all,
​Julie