Countertransference: Ala-non Here I Come!

This week has been a week of occupational growth. As is with growth, sometimes it can be a bit painful. It is a good  pain, but a growing pain nonetheless. 

I haven't really done the family meeting per se, alone, although I have watched a few in my time. I remember starting my masters class about family counseling and decided approximately 8 minutes into the first class that there was NO way, NO how, NO NO NO family therapy in my future. I mean, how do people do that for a living?!? Bless them, for their work is very very difficult. 

Despite my feelings about it, I had to call a family meeting. I wonder if this family was obsessing about this meeting as much as I was. I knew I was getting into some trouble when I was starting to lose sleep over this meeting. I wanted to know,  what was bothering me so much? I went to family week up at Hazelden and learned more about the family unit and their need for recovery. I took a class in family therapy. I lectured again this past week about being "Addicted to the Addict in Your Life" - aka GET INTO YOUR OWN RECOVERY, dear family members. Maybe it is just easier to be on the outside of things instead of running it. I just felt ill-prepared and I was starting to obsess over it. 

I went to seek some counsel from a more senior counselor. I asked him if he would be willing to role play, or just let me talk through my agenda, etc. I told him where I was at, etc. etc. He was silent for a minute, then he asked "Can I be really honest with you?" In my heart of hearts, I wanted to "no, let's move on....." because I kinda knew what was coming. He tells me, "you got taken." In my industry, this concept revolves around the idea of taking on the client, all their problems and working harder than they are at this point. I kinda knew I had been taken with this situation but left our meeting not knowing where to go from here. It's a few days later and I am still feeling "taken". So, all that preaching I do to everyone out there, I am not really following myself. 

I was warned time and time again.....be careful for transference and counter-transference with clients. My fellow masters students who are reading this right now might have rolled their eyes a bit. We heard about it....A....L...O....T.

Transference was a word coined by Sigmund Freud to label the way patients "transfer" feelings from important persons in their early lives, onto the psychoanalyst or therapist. (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sacramento-street-psychiatry/201003/countertransference-overview)

Countertransference occurs when a therapist transfers emotions to a client. It is often a reaction to transference, a phenomenon in which a client redirects his or her feelings for others onto the therapist. (http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/countertransference)

As both of these article will indicate, it is generally not terribly problematic in the client:therapist relationship. It is something to just be aware of so that a situation like might mine evolve. I have a particular emotional response to this particular situation. I am not even sure delving into the why or how is really relevant.  There are just some people that are going to elicit this type of response in me. If I had to guess why it is happening here, I would have to say there is just a lot on the line and I want so badly for this person to succeed because I can clearly see the consequences if it does happen. Instead of meeting the client where they are at, I am trying to force recovery.

So, here I sit in this family meeting, telling everyone to "detach with love", "you all need your own recovery", "lots of evident codependency noted...." Yet, here I sit basically doing the same thing - worrying, taking on something outside of my control. Getting worried, looking for additional resources or alternatives. Basically sitting up too late tonight worrying about if I said the right thing. Should I reach out tomorrow and change my tone or pattern of behavior? You know what it really sounds like I need? An Ala-non meeting!!!! I am wondering if I would be willing to take my own advice here. Because this is kinda driving me nuts, yep, I think I am willing to give it a try. I have found my handy-dandy meeting locator and hoping posting here will keep me accountable. 

Blaine Alano
Meeting: 7:30 pm
Sunday
13536 Hwy 65 NE

I think it is time to go now to a meeting. Just like when I started nursing, I have this need and desire to do more than I am capable of doing. I am not going to convince my diabetic patient to quit eating ice cream if they have no desire to change, just like I am not going to get someone to quit drinking just because I want them to. This area is that infamous gray area in being a clinician. I have worked hard to form an alliance with my client and often times find it difficult to put the hammer down at the right time. I have strong and clear boundaries with some clients but not with others. The bare minimum I can offer everyone is consistency!!! It took me almost 5 years of nursing to move through the "super nurse" phenomenon. It was exhausting! In this new career, I think it is going to be even more exhausting and career breaking if I can't seem to deal with this better now. 

I will plan to hit this meeting or maybe another one sooner if I can. I look forward to "walking the walk and talking the talk". I have high expectations of feeling better after this little endeavor!

Now, to get some sleep....I am tired!!!
Julie

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