A Family Night to Remember

I am so very grateful to be done with school. Very very glad. I think I may have underestimated the amount of stress school was creating in my life. All in all, however, I have to admit that I am extremely lucky to have had the opportunity to go back to school, continue to work for an organization that I have a lot of loyalty to and get to do some of the things I really like to do. 

I didn't take a whole lot of time off, but I did take a few days to get my home back in order. I spent several hours cleaning and doing laundry. Never underestimate the power of a clean home! I went back to work and started back right where I left which is kinda nice. There was no learning something new, actually teaching other stuff I already know. Teaching is one of my favorite things to do. 

So, back in my high school years, one of the most memorable and favorite things I ever did was participate in speech. I competed in the original oratory group. Best place ever - I get to talk about whatever I want to a group of captive people who can't leave. They have to listen to me argue a point without saying anything to the contrary. Yup, best ever. A special shout out to fellow Prepster Speech Team members who read my blog - yeah, we rocked it.....

Since that time, I have always seen myself up on a stage talking. It is something that I have always wanted to do. Over the years, I just have not been in the right place to be doing something like that. I got a little taste of that again when I started going to AA meetings and having the opportunity to talk in front of groups about my testimony and what addiction has meant to me. I think that experience is what attracted me to consider going for my master's in addiction studies. I have talked in past blog that I really feel like there is something big for me in this field. When I think about that, I see myself on a stage....educating, changing a life in the room, making a difference with advocating for treatment and letting people know that recovery is possible. 

During my internship, the counselor I worked under did not care to the do the lectures. Usually they were scheduled twice a month to speak. I was super excited about the prospect of presenting. while he was just fine if someone else wanted to volunteer to speak. It was a few months before I was given a chance to present. We were sitting in a meeting and the director of the program says, "well we have an all staff meeting today. What are we going to so this afternoon with the clients?....Julie? Could you do something...you are a nurse, teach them about health or something?" Ahhh...sure? I volunteered. What's the worse that could happen? I could make a total ass of out myself? I had done that for the 15 years of drinking....I would just have to do it sober and deal with it! I put a 60 minute presentation together in 2 hours and went on my way to present. I got lucky - most people are fascinated by what I have to say about health and addiction. I show them what is happening to them when they use, what happens when they stop and what is going to happen to them if they don't stop. I had a lot of audience participation and people coming up to me afterwards asking more questions. It a way, it's kinda what I dreamt about. 

I was invited to come back after I was done with my internship to speak at a family night this week. I worked for about two weeks on my powerpoint. I thought I would spend all this time preparing, but I was the one who made the powerpoint and choose the topic so I thought, I will just talk when I get up there and see what happens. The topic of my presentation "Are you Addicted to Your Addict?" I used the diagnostic criteria we use as clinicians to diagnose addiction and flipped it over to the family. So, for example:
Criteria #5: In addiction: Persistent desire OR one or more unsuccessful attempts to cut down or control use

• Using beer instead of hard liquor
• Trying to only use on the weekends
• Marijuana maintenance program (fellow alcoholics know what this means....)

Criteria #5: For Family: Persistent desire OR one or more unsuccessful attempts to control or stop the use of the addict in your life

• As the family member, you dispense the drugs to the addict to try to control use - lock up opiates, moderate alcohol intake
• Drive the addict to the bar to prevent drunk driving
• Begging an pleading with the addict to stop/reduce use

So, all together there are seven criteria we use to diagnose addicts in the DSM-4. (I still need to get up in the DSM 5 - I will, I will....my Mom was kind enough to get me the book for Christmas this year!) I took each of the criteria and flipped it over to the family members. My point was to show the family why it is that they need to get into their own recovery. Their behavior has become out of control and in the recovery, both the family and the addict have to change. 

I made the comment to a few people that this was the first time I had presented this one. I got such tremendous feedback and I stuck around for 2 hours after the fact to answer questions. Yup, this is what I wanted to do and this is what I wanted to be. A person with knowledge about a topic that can reach out to others and open their eyes to something new. I have this opportunity with my part-time job to not only present but be PAID to present! AHAHAHAHAHHA......now all those times of annoyance and stress with school seem totally worth it. I have credibility because I am in recovery, however, I have even more because I am an educated addictions specialist. Whoa....I think I kinda blew my own mind. 

I had expected at this point that everything would be status quo - get a job, earn some money, do something new, keep learning. While all of this is happening for sure, I like I rekindled the little flame I had when I went into this. I think I had lost my flame for a while and was struggling to continue to push through with that flame hidden. Well, talk about throwing some gasoline on that fire now. I have a much stronger burning desire. When I first started nursing school, I had this vision of standing with a patient and providing education and  help when it was needed. About 2 years in, it dawned on me, "hey! I am actually doing this....right now..." I remember feeling so conflicted at the time because I was drinking so heavily and I blamed it on not doing what I wanted to do or being good at what I did. I realized that I was doing well but I was just miserable because of the drinking. I didn't have the opportunity to appreciate the blessing I had in working with others. Well, this time around, it was exactly a week after school was done, I experienced the same moment - me, on a stage, reaching out and touching lives while educating them about something I am extremely passionate about. And what a moment it was. 

I had over a dozen people compliment me or come and ask me questions about this presentation. I could answer with such confidence. I knew exactly what I was talking about. I didn't have a moment of nervousness. I just talked and had a conversation with 80 people about addiction and family dynamics. They were glued to the presentation and the clients told me they liked the way I presented it because now their family member "get it". The family members were able to understand some of the symptoms their addicts were experiencing. I talked at length with a woman about her husband and her child - both suffering from alcoholism. I did not have to offer any advice, she just wanted to tell me that it was nice to know that she wasn't alone. We talked about fellowship and the power of others. 

In this profession, I feel like I provide hope. I don't provide answers. I don't tell you exactly what to do. I want to welcome you in the door and help you find hope. You can recover and I can show you the way people have achieved this and assist you with finding the path that suits your needs. I can listen and provide to support the family who is suffering from addiction as well. I can provide hope that the family can be healthy again too. I will never tell you it will be easy but I will tell you that it can be done. And, at the end of the day, I believe in you. I have this little rush of adrealine as I write this tonight. I feel like I saw a glimmer of hope for me too. It is always wonderful to have lofty dream. At times in my life I set that bar too high and wound up disappointed. Not this time. I thought this idea of talking on stage was a pipe dream. I may not be packing the Xcel Center just yet, but reaching out to 20, 30, or 80 people and offer nothing but a message of hope and recovery this week might have just made my Top 5 of greatest things I have experienced. 

Julie

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